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“My collars have never looked so good,” marveled one of the hecklers.

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“What curse?” shouted Osamu Shimomura to a group of reporters in the victorious winners locker room, a cigar clenched between his teeth, a commemorative 2008 Nobel Prize Winner baseball cap atop his head. 

“When we started this research, nobody gave us a chance, and now look at us,” he said throwing his arms back towards his fellow scientists, dousing each other with champagne, hopping up and down in a circle and hollering at the top of their lungs.  “We’re the champions of the scientific world!” 

Mr. Shimomura, who works at Hole Marine Biological Laboratory in Massachusetts, could barely contain his emotions.  “First of all, I want to give thanks to the One who made t his all possible, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, with whom all things are possible.  I also want to thank my teammates, Martin Chalfie of Columbia University (What’s up Co-Lum-Bee-A!) and Roger Tsien of University of California, San Diego.  They did a great job for us all year, and we wouldn’t be here without them.” 

Shimomura said the full impact of his achievement hadn’t sunk in yet.  “It’s probably going to take a couple of days, you know?  Right now, I just can’t put how I’m feeling into words.”  Then, holding his Nobel Prize over his head, he shouted in a voice filled with emotion.  “We won the Nobel Prize, baby!  The Nobel Prize!”

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Duo’s new rock band will be called “Change of Heart”

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“That one.”

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“We used mostly stockholder money,” CEO says

NEW YORK - American International Group executives are defending their decision, made public yesterday by congressional investigators, to spend $440,000 on a conference at a posh California resort just days after the federal government committed $85 billion to bail out the struggling insurance giant.

“We still hadn’t seen so much as one penny of the bailout money by the time we went on that retreat,” said AIG CEO Edward Liddy.  ”We used mostly stockholder money, and some petty cash from our C-suite coffee fund.”

AIG internal documents reveal that the company paid $200,000 for luxury suites, $150,000 for meals, $23,000 in spa charges, and almost $7,000 in golf fees for the week-long conference. Liddy bristled at the suggestion that the expenses were “lavish or extravagant,” noting that AIG executives had endured “a rough couple of weeks” and needed the time to “recharge and strategize before the for the new money rolls in.”

Asked to account for costs not paid by stockholder money or petty cash, Libby explained that suites were financed through low-interest FHA loans, spa fees were charged to Medicare, and golf outings were covered by the company’s farm subsidies.  ”We paid for our meals with food stamps,” Libby added.

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Not surprisingly, they’re all female

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