WASHINGTON – Popcorn, the turkey pardoned by President Obama in the White House’s annual Thanksgiving clemency ritual, thanked the President, then headed to his retirement compound in San Clemente, California.
The newly freed fowl denied rumors that he made a “secret deal” for his pardon.
“Let’s get serious. What could I offer the President in a deal? I’m a turkey,” said Popcorn.
The turkey revealed that he and Obama hit if off. “We’re on the same wavelength,” he explained. But he chided the press for treating the annual turkey pardon in a lighthearted manner. “To them, this ceremony is a punchline; to me, it’s life or death.”
The turkey revealed that he intends to devote his retirement years to writing his memoirs and acting as an elder statesman on poultry matters.
This is the 150th anniversary of the rousing keynote address delivered at the dedication of the national cemetery at Gettysburg. Here is a link to the address in its entirety. It was delivered by famed orator and politician Edward Everett, and it lasted for over two hours.
President Abraham Lincoln also made a few brief remarks.
WASHINGTON – GOP lawmakers say President Obama’s proposed fix for the Affordable Care Act doesn’t go far enough. House Speaker John Boehner unveiled the GOP’s alternative: scrap Obamacare in favor of a first aid kit in every home.
“It’s affordable, and it covers pre-existing conditions,” Boehner explained. “Each kit will be required to have bandages, headache medications, and pills for stomach aches.”
Boehner said the GOP’s plan would render treatment “more accessible than ever.” He explained: “No more waiting to get in to see your physician. Now, just open the first aid kit and reach for the cure.”
PLAINS, GA – Former President Jimmy Carter said that the rash of problems experienced by Healthcare.gov, the website established to apply for insurance through the Affordable Care Act, are due to racism.
“We have search our souls and ask ourselves whether this would be happening to a white president,” Carter told a CNN newscaster. “I think the answer is obvious.”
“I think the website crashed because many white people, not just in the South but around the country, believe that African- Americans are not qualified to lead this great country. It’s an abominable circumstance, and it grieves me and concerns me very deeply.”
“Please tell Ms. Baez we shall come over,” Dr. King said.
But the secretary erroneously scribbled, “Please tell Ms. Baez we shall overcome,” and the rest is history.