Amelia Earhart Emerges From Box In Garage Attic

the-manFORT COLLINS - Amelia Earhart, famed aviatrix who was thought to have perished while attempting a dangerous flight across the Pacific in 1937, emerged from a cardboard box in the attic of a garage here yesterday.

Ms. Earhart pronounced herself “pleased as punch” that the elaborate ruse she undertook to fake her own death created such worldwide attention. “This is going to make it much easier for me to get my own reality television show,” said Ms. Earhart, who steadied herself with a cane.

“I have spent the past seventy-two years in that damn box, but now I’m going to land the big pay day I always felt I deserved.”

While Ms. Earhart continued to brag about her clever hoax, local law enforcement officials considered filing criminal charges. Sheriff Jim Alderden was especially vexed. “I’m so sick and tired of these damn publicity stunts. First that little brat Falcon Heene, now Amelia Earhart. And not more than an hour ago, we got a call from a guy says he has a guy in his corn silo claiming to be Jimmy Hoffa!” 

The sheriff said he remained undecided about whether or not he was going to arrest Ms. Earhart as we went to press. “Right now, I could probably run her in on a 502 (creating a historical disturbance), but she’d be back on the street in an hour. I need to have something that I can make stick, so that seventy-two years from now we’re not going to have to deal with a situation like this all over again.”

Oct 23