WASHINGTON – The so-called “Right To Know Which Celebrities Are Gay” bill sailed through both the House and Senate today by unanimous vote.
The bill requires anyone working in the entertainment industry to register their sexual orientation on a national database.
The unprecedented speed of passage was historic, and is likely a reflection of the outrage millions of Americans expressed in the last week when actor David Ogden Stiers announced that he was a homosexual.
Polls show an overwhelming number of Americans “always suspected” Stiers was gay, and felt cheated when they were forced to wait decades to have their suspicions confirmed.
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said the President would sign the legislation into law as soon as it gets to his desk.
“Like most American with enquiring minds, the President wants to know.”
Mr. Gibbs dismissed protests from civil rights groups that the bill is an invasion of privacy.
“The prurient interest of the majority must prevail in this instance. As Spock told us all in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, ‘The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.’”