Scientist: We Know Who Put the Bomp in the Bomp Bah Bomp Bah Bomp

bompBRILLVILLE - It is a mystery that has baffled mankind since the dawn of time, a conundrum that has confounded the world’s leading philosophers, scientists and theologians for thousands of years: Who, or what, put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp? And, as a corollary, who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?

According to Dr. Barry Mann, the answer is imminent. “I am pleased to report that after decades of exhaustive study and millions of dollars in foundation grants and government subsidies expended, we are close to a breakthrough.”

For now, speculation abounds that the man who inserted the bomp, rama, bop and dip da dip da dip resides in Turtle Creek, Pennsylvania.

Dr. Mann is Chairman of the Department of Nonsensical Research at the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta. His remarks to the press were typically modest.

“If I have seen further, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants,” he said. “And because I had a lot more money.” 

Cable television hosts are clamoring for Mann to make his findings public.

“Who was that man?” asked Oprah Winfrey. “I’d like to shake his hand. He made my baby fall in love with me!” 

A representative of the DNR said no further information would be released, but late yesterday Dr. Mann issued a statement that read, in part: “Boogity boogity boogity boogity boogity boogity shoo.”

Apr 21