Obama Names New Director of Renouncements

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama today named senior staffer Ron Vassel as his campaign’s new Director of Renouncements.  Vassel, who had been advising the campaign on White House drapery measurements, will now oversee a state-of-the-art, scalable database indexing all of the supporters from whom Senator Obama has been forced to distance himself. 

“As the campaign has gone on, we’ve had a harder and harder time keeping up with all the people I’ve had to renounce,” the Illinois Senator said.  ”We know it will be even harder after the convention, as more and more of my supporters get caught up in the excitement of the election and make stupid, racist, offensive remarks I’ll have to pretend to be bothered by.  Ron will make sure no one falls through the cracks.”

Vassel, who served as a press liaison for George W. Bush’s presidential campaign in 2000, says this is a classic case of a campaign trying to be “proactive, not reactive,” and that he expects to hire a staff of “at least a dozen.”  ”After all,” Vassel said, “this is a time- and labor-intensive effort.”

Aug 7