‘Meet me behind the soccer stadium after the service’

Mandela

Posted in Extras

Turkey Pardoned by Obama: ‘No Secret Deal’

TurkeyWASHINGTON – Popcorn, the turkey pardoned by President Obama in the White House’s annual Thanksgiving clemency ritual, thanked the President, then headed to his retirement compound in San Clemente, California.

The newly freed fowl denied rumors that he made a “secret deal” for his pardon.

“Let’s get serious. What could I offer the President in a deal? I’m a turkey,” said Popcorn.

The turkey revealed that he and Obama hit if off. “We’re on the same wavelength,” he explained. But he chided the press for treating the annual turkey pardon in a lighthearted manner. “To them, this ceremony is a punchline; to me, it’s life or death.”

The turkey revealed that he intends to devote his retirement years to writing his memoirs and acting as an elder statesman on poultry matters.

Posted in Extras

50th Anniversary of JFK Assassination: A Carbolic Special Report

Posted in Extras

Today is the 150th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address

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This is the 150th anniversary of the rousing keynote address delivered at the dedication of the national cemetery at Gettysburg. Here is a link to the address in its entirety. It was delivered by famed orator and politician Edward Everett, and it lasted for over two hours.

President Abraham Lincoln also made a few brief remarks.

Posted in Extras

Obama stumps to sell immigration reform: ‘If you like your immigrant, you can keep him. Period.’

Barack Obama

Posted in Extras

GOP unveils alternative to Obamacare: a first aid kit in every home

Health Plan.2WASHINGTON – GOP lawmakers say President Obama’s proposed fix for the Affordable Care Act doesn’t go far enough. House Speaker John Boehner unveiled the GOP’s alternative: scrap Obamacare in favor of a first aid kit in every home.

“It’s affordable, and it covers pre-existing conditions,” Boehner explained. “Each kit will be required to have bandages, headache medications, and pills for stomach aches.”

Boehner said the GOP’s plan would render treatment “more accessible than ever.” He explained: “No more waiting to get in to see your physician. Now, just open the first aid kit and reach for the cure.”

Posted in Extras

Obamacare website problems due to racism, says Jimmy Carter

CarterPLAINS, GA –  Former President Jimmy Carter said that the rash of problems experienced by Healthcare.gov, the website established to apply for insurance through the Affordable Care Act, are due to racism.

“We have search our souls and ask ourselves whether this would be happening to a white president,” Carter told a CNN newscaster. “I think the answer is obvious.”

“I think the website crashed because many white people, not just in the South but around the country, believe that African- Americans are not qualified to lead this great country. It’s an abominable circumstance, and it grieves me and concerns me very deeply.”

Posted in Extras

Carbolic Smoke Ball presents “THE GRUESOME”

Posted in Extras

World Community Rallies Behind Kerry’s Offhand Comment to Avert American Strike on Syria

Kerry

Posted in Extras

Carbolic Flashback: Anthem for Civil Rights Movement Resulted From Error in Transcription

In 1962, singer-activist Joan Baez invited Dr. Martin Luther King and his wife to dinner. Dr. King telephoned Baez to accept her invitation and spoke with her secretary.

“Please tell Ms. Baez we shall come over,” Dr. King said.

But the secretary erroneously scribbled, “Please tell Ms. Baez we shall overcome,” and the rest is history.

Posted in History

Bradley Manning says he is female, 35 year sentence automatically reduced to 22 years

U.S. soldier Bradley Manning is escorted into court to receive his sentence at Fort Meade in Maryland

Posted in Extras

Former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak to be released from prison

Ex-leader’s opponents who put him in jail are ‘concerned’ because he learned to read behind bars

Cape Fear

Posted in Extras

Missouri State Fair Rodeo Clown Cries ‘Racism’ After Swiss Store Clerk Refused to Sell Him $38,000 Purse


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Posted in Extras

Carbolic Smoke Ball’s First IMAX Film: The Unspeakable Horrors at Niagara Falls

Posted in Extras

Bush 41 Spotted Spinning Around on the Ground, Shouting ‘Moe, Larry, Cheese!’

Capture

Posted in Extras

Affront to Blacks: Royal Baby Named George Zimmerman Alexander

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Posted in Extras

Al Sharpton: ‘The family George Zimmerman rescued from the overturned car was white–need I say more?’

sharpton-gallery

Posted in Extras

Coming tomorrow: Dr. Kermit Gosnell weighs in on Royal birth

Gosnell

Posted in Extras

Kate ‘undecided’ if she’ll put baby up for adoption

rosemarys-baby

Posted in Extras

Helen Thomas Dies at 92, Pioneering Reporter Snags Front Row Seat in Hell’s Briefing Room

helen-thomas.jpg_full_600Insiders say veteran journalist will get last word at Devil’s press conferences: “Thank you, Mr. Satan.”

Posted in Extras
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The Carbolic Book Award

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