Disturbing YouTube Video Shows International Olympic Committee Terrorizing Homeless Man With Olympic Torch

IOCTorchNEW YORK – The International Olympic Committee is being questioned in connection with a barbaric three-minute video that appeared on YouTube over the weekend showing more than three dozen Olympic Committee members taunting and terrorizing a homeless man with the iconic Olympic Torch.

A spokesman for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said the incident, which occurred in Vancouver last week, was “an animalistic assault that was made all the more vicious because one of the [Olympic Committee members] videotaped it for sport.”  Throughout the ordeal, the homeless man was visibly distressed and pleaded with his attackers to stop.

The RCMP is searching for the man to insure he is not injured.  “We believe he suffers from a mental disorder,” said RCMP spokesman Noah Swayne.  “So we suspect he’ll try to run for Parliament.”

Feb 12

Mrs. Obama’s War On Obese Children To “Make Example” of Spanky McFarland

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Beloved “Little Rascals” star shipped to Gitmo for waterboarding, sweat lodge ceremony

Feb 10

Obama Proposes Bailout for Las Vegas to Cure Recession That Started When He Told People Not To Go There

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Feb 4

White House Installs ‘Apology Hotline’ to Special Olympics Chair Tim Shriver

batphone_1Rahm Emanuel uses hotline after “f***ing retarded” comment; President Obama used it last year after comparing his bowling to the Special Olympics.

Feb 3

White House Crasher Tareq Salahi Almost Delivered State of Union Address

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Jan 29

Obama Puts on New Face to Salvage Presidency

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Jan 28

Obama Fires Geithner on Way to Podium to Deliver State of the Union Address

YouARE FIRED TIM - Copy-1Ex-Treasury Secretary disrupts speech gathering his belongings on way out of chamber.

Jan 28

In Wake of Massachusetts Election, Health Reform Troubles, Sinking Approval Ratings, Former President Reaches Out to Obama: “You’re Doing a Heckuva Job, Blackie”

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Jan 27

Scott Brown Gears Up to Take Ted Kennedy’s Seat

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Jan 20

Bush Joins Earthquake Relief Effort

BushIsBack“I was relieved that I wasn’t the guy in charge when this Haiti thing hit.  The last thing I’d want to be blamed for is another crisis in Louisiana.”

Jan 18

GOP Leaders Call for James Cameron to Step Down as King of the World, Say “Unfair Double Standard” Allowed Director to Create Na’vi Dialect

james-cameron“Trent Lott never would have been able to get away with that,” said party chairman Michael Steele

Jan 13

Sen. Harry Reid Apologizes to Amos ‘n’ Andy For Obama Remarks

a&a2WASHINGTON – Senate majority leader Harry M. Reid has apologized to Amos ‘n’ Andy, the lead characters in a racially offensive radio situation comedy that has been off the air for 50 years, for remarks he made during the 2008 presidential campaign about Barack Obama.

In the remarks in question, Reid said that Obama was “a light-skinned African American with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.”

Reid explained this morning that he would have apologized to Rev. Jesse Jackson, except “I can’t understand his dialect.”

Jan 9

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Mel Gibson’s Father Say Death of Holocaust Museum Shooting Suspect a “Hoax”

VonBrunnMugBoth men claim James von Brunn’s demise faked by “Zionist prison conspiracy”

Jan 7

Obama Says “Red Flags” Were Missed Before Christmas Attack, Vows to “See the Next Ones Myself”

ObamaLookingPresident promises “I’ll do my best,” reminds reporters, “Hey, I inherited this mess.”

Jan 6

Obama Places Johnny Storm on Do-Not-Fly List “For Obvious Reasons”

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Jan 6

Poll: Men More Receptive Than Women to Airport Full Body Scans

AIRPORTSCANSArtist’s renderings: on left, how average woman views herself as she passes through a full body imaging scanner.  On right, how average man views himself passing through the same scanner.

Dec 31

Obama Arrested After Falling For Fake Nobel Peace Prize Sting

ObamaaaaaOSLO – President Obama was arrested yesterday in a major police sting operation when he came to Oslo City Hall in response to a fake notice that he had won the Nobel Peace Prize.  

Mr. Obama was one of 960 persons who received the bogus notice in an effort by law enforcement “to have the crooks come to us instead of us going to the crooks,” said Sgt. Noah Swayne, director of the operation.  Only twelve fell for it, and all of them were arrested.

Mr. Obama was wanted in connection with falsifying a birth certificate to make it appear he was born in the United States.  He is being held in an Oslo jail pending a preliminary hearing on Monday.

Police were disappointed that so few crooks showed up.  “Unfortunately, the fake Nobel Peace Prize operation is a trick so common that it only attracts the most gullible.”

Dec 11

Obama Deploys 30,000 Troops to PNC Park in Pittsburgh

PNCPITTSBURGHWEST POINT, N.Y. – In a prime-time speech at the U.S. Military Academy, President Obama announced that “it is in our vital national interest” to send 30,000 troops to PNC Park, the home of the Pittsburgh Pirates, “to bring stability to a volatile part of the world, and to a major league baseball team, that has been ravaged by the ruthless, repressive ownership of the Nutting family.”

The president condemned the Nuttings as “extremists who have distorted and defiled our national pastime” and said that they had engaged in “increasingly brazen and devastating acts of terrorism against the people of Western Pennsylvania.” 

The  decision to deploy troops comes amid rising domestic opposition to the move.  A recent Gallop poll showed that an overwhelming majority of Americans favor imploding PNC Park, while the Pirates are inside.

Dec 2

Ghost of President Taft Sighted at White House Refrigerator Looking for Thanksgiving Leftovers

Nov 27

Turkey Pardoned By Obama: “No Secret Deal”

The PardonWASHINGTON – The turkey pardoned by President Obama in the White House’s annual Thanksgiving clemency ritual thanked the President after returning to his retirement compound in San Clemente, California. The newly freed fowl denied rumors circulating in the turkey community that he made a “secret deal” for his pardon.

“Let’s get serious. What could I offer the President in a deal? I’m a turkey.”

The turkey revealed that he and Obama hit if off — “we’re on the same wavelength,” he explained — but chided the press for treating the annual turkey pardon in a lighthearted manner. “To me, this is life or death; to you, I’m just a punchline.”

The turkey revealed that he intends to devote his retirement years to writing his memoirs and acting as an elder statesman on poultry matters.

Nov 25

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