Slumdog Millionaire Sequel Coming Soon

slumrushweb

Feb 4

Springsteen Dedicates Super Bowl Half-Time Performance to Woody Guthrie, Ricardo Montalban

bruce-springsteen-1TAMPA – Bruce Springsteen held his own Super Bowl press conference yesterday and told reporters he was dedicating his half-time performance to the memories of Woody Guthrie and Ricardo Montalban.

“The NFL has asked me to play songs that are not only unfamiliar to the average viewer, but that contain lyrical content many people could find offensive. I said I’d be happy to oblige.”

Mr. Springsteen added that he was excited about performing at what has become the closest thing America has to a national party. “In this venue, with this crowd, I want to sing something that is going to bring up the people and bring up the mood. That’s why I’ll be playing the music of everybody’s favorite dust-bowl minstrel, Woody Guthrie.”

Read more

Jan 30

Howard Stern Hires New “Stuttering John”

johnhoward

Jan 22

McDonalds, Lionsgate Films Under Fire for “My Bloody Valentine” Happy Meals Promotional Tie-In

valentineHOLLYWOOD - The decision of McDonalds Corporation and Lionsgate films to offer a “My Bloody Valentine” Happy Meal promotional tie-in is drawing severe criticism from concerned parents and educators across the country.

Protests by child advocacy groups are being held in major American cities this weekend. The film, which opens in wide release  Friday, tells the story of a man who returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of a Valentines Day massacre that left twenty-two people dead.

“We were under the impression this picture was about a rat who realizes his life-long dream to become a chef,” said McDonalds President Paul Maloney. “Somebody in our marketing department screwed up. Believe me, heads are going to roll over this,” he added, before excusing himself. “In light of the gruesome acts depicted in this film, perhaps that was a poor choice of words.”

Read more

Jan 15

Somalian Pirates Seize the Love Boat

loveboatGULF OF ADEN – The Love Boat, which promises something for everyone, may have finally outdone itself.  A gang of Somalian pirates seized the Pacific Princess in international waters yesterday and vowed to set a course for adventure, their minds on a new romance.

“And love,” said Pirate Captain Abdullah al-Bluebeard, “won’t hurt anymore.”

According to information contained in a distress message sent from the ship’s radio, the pirates were initially welcomed with open arms. “Come aboard,” sang crew member Jack Jones to the Somalians who clambered up the side of the vessel. “We’re expecting you!”

Read more

Jan 9

Rip Taylor’s Legendary 1968 Folsom Prison Concert Remembered

97-cash_folsom_0001_standalone_prod_affiliate_41“Mr. Taylor’s concert put us on the map and marked a turning point in his career,” said Warden Noah Swayne. Swayne explained that Taylor’s live concert was the first time confetti was used to its fullest effect in a performance at the prison.

Jan 6

The Perfect Gift

obamacalfront


obamacalback

Dec 17

Next Update to iPhone Constitution App to Restore the Parts Bush Took Out

New software will be available for download on January 20th

Dec 1

Vatican Forgives John Lennon For Jesus Quip, Refuses to Forgive Him For Yoko Ono

“One was a youthful indiscretion; the other, a mortal sin,” said Vatican daily Osservatore Romano

Nov 24

“So funny… A great book… A tremendous book… As good as anything out there.”

Pittsburgh radio icons Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann said that and more about the brand-new Carbolic Smoke Ball book, ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES, on yesterday’s WDVE Morning Show.  

Hear their raves, find out more about the book, and be among the first to order your copy at Amazon.com or right here at the Carbolic Smoke Ball. 

This Monday, the ZOMBIES rise. And walk. And make you laugh.

Nov 22

Coming to Get You in Just 10 Days…


Carbolic Smoke Ball Presents ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES

All the best headlines, highlights, and hilarity of Carbolic’s first three years. Over 300 classic items and editorials, with dozens of new features, photos, and illustrations, a foreword by radio great Randy Baumann, and an introduction by PBS filmmaking icon Rick Sebak. All assembled in the finest collection of fake news you’ll ever find.  Or fear.  Or laugh yourself silly over.

Available at book stores, web sites — including Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and, of course, CarbolicSmoke.com — shopping malls, urban wastelands, rural farmhouses, and well-appointed underground bunkers everywhere. November 25th.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Nov 15

Obama: “I Don’t Want to be Known as a Running President”

President-Elect promises to “stay in the pocket, go through my progressions, and wait for my Cabinet members to get open”

Nov 6

Joe the Plumber, Josephine the Plumber to Wed; Happy Couple Say They Share Hatred of Democrats, Love of Comet Cleanser

Oct 29

King Arthur Tells Dr. Phil: “I Think My Wife Is Sleeping With My Best Friend”

HOLLYWOOD - King Arthur, leader of the Britains, conqueror of the Saxons and head of the Round Table, an exclusive Knight-club dedicated to questing, jousting, defending virtuous maidens, and performing selfless acts of chivalry, told Dr. Phil yesterday that he suspects his wife is having an affair with his best friend.

King Arthur made his remarks during a taping of the Dr. Phil television show scheduled to air this Friday.

“I think my wife is sleeping with my best friend, and I don’t know what to do about it,” he said. “If I confront my wife, I will lose her. If I confront my friend, I lose my kingdom. Sometimes I wish I never pulled that sword out of the stone.”

Read more

Oct 27

Catholics to Protest New Fox Series, “People Say the Damnedest Things in Confession!”

NEW YORK – The Vatican today called on people of goodwill to boycott the Fox Network’s new reality show, “People Say the Damnedest Things in Confession!”, which puts hidden microphones and cameras in the confessional of a Catholic Church.

“It captures on tape the most intimate sins of the penitents for the viewing pleasure of Fox’s hedonistic young audience,” said the show’s producer Larry Bang. “But it’s all done in good taste.”

In one segment on the opening show, a young man confesses to having sex with his girlfriend out of wedlock. Later that day, the show’s producers show the confession to the girlfriend, “and that’s where the fireworks begin,” chuckles Bang.

Read more

Oct 23

Coming Next Month…

All the best headlines, highlights, and hilarity of Carbolic’s first three years. Over 250 classic items and editorials, with dozens of new features, photos, and illustrations, a foreword by Randy Baumann, and an introduction by Rick Sebak. All assembled in the finest fake news collection you’ll ever see. Or read. Or fear. 

Coming to get you at book stores, web sites, shopping malls, rural farmhouses, and underground bunkers everywhere.

Oct 12

CAMPAIGN TRAIL SHOCKER: Obama Announces He’s Dropping Out of Race, Going on Tour With Ann Wilson

Duo’s new rock band will be called “Change of Heart”

Oct 10

23,000 Americans Suffer Epileptic Seizures While Watching Vice-Presidential Debate

Neurologists call frenetic speed, rhythm of candidates’ delivery “greatest televised threat” to public health since Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” video

Oct 3

Walt Disney Company Secretly Buys Up Gaza Strip to Build Middle East Theme Park

Mickey Mouse to be named “honorary Jew,” circumcised in grand opening extravaganza; “Jihad Cruise” and “Hall of Infidels” will be first rides to open 

Sep 18

“American Idol” to Add Fourth Judge

NEW YORK, NY – Move over, Simon Cowell.  ”American Idol” is adding another caustic critic to its panel of judges.

Crusading jurist and bon vivant Judge Rufus Peckham will sit alongside Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson when the eighth season of “American Idol” premieres in January, the Fox network said Monday.

“For the past seven seasons, Simon has had to endure the experience of being the only heartless bastard at the judges’ table,” said Mike Darnell, President of Fox Alternative Programming, in a prepared statement.  ”With Judge Peckham by his side, Simon has some backup, and now there is going to be a lot more cruelty and gleeful misanthropy on the show.  We imagine the contestants will be in tears every week.”

Judge Peckham, fake news magnate and Founder Emeritus of this web site, will come out of retirement and back from the grave to join the top-rated reality competition show.  ”They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse,” Peckham said through his publicist.  ”And besides, a guy with a Messiah complex as great as mine couldn’t stay dead forever.”

Aug 26

← Previous Page — Next Page →