Blog Archives
KKK, NAACP Hammer Out Consensus Statement on Race
Thus far, the statement seeking common ground reads: “Whites are supreme; no they aren’t.”
New Law Makes It A Crime To Ask ‘Is It Hot Enough For Ya?’
WASHINGTON – Congress passed emergency legislation yesterday making it a Federal offence for anyone residing east of the Mississippi river to inquire of anyone whether or not the temperature outside is agreeable. The law will remain in effect for the duration of…
Kagan Surprises Senate Judiciary Committee With Home Made Cookies
WASHINGTON - Elena Kagan, President Obama’s choice to replace retiring Justice John Paul Stevens on the United States Supreme Court, moved one step closer to confirmation yesterday when she surprised the Senate Judiciary Committee with two dozen freshly baked cookies. Senator Jeff…
Jack Bauer Hired As Census Taker
WASHINGTON - Jack Bauer, the rogue government agent who plays by his own rules, has been given one final mission: obtain one hundred per cent compliance for the United States Census Bureau. “Title 13 of the United States Code requires your response,” Bauer…
Democrats Who Voted For Health Reform Putting Affairs in Order
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Democratic Congressional leaders admitted for the first time that they are ”extremely pessimistic” about the reelection prospects of most House members who voted in favor of health care reform last night. The leaders have retained high-powered attorney Tom Hagen to advise pro-health care…
Transcript of Obama Health Care Summit
OBAMA: I hoped that we would come here and reason together. And as a reasonable man I’m willing to do whatever’s necessary to find a peaceful solution to these problems. After all, when did I ever refuse an accommodation? All of…
Obama Unveils More Sophisticated Rival to Tea Party Movement: ‘The Long Island Iced Tea Party Movement’
Obama Fires Geithner on Way to Podium to Deliver State of the Union Address
Ex-Treasury Secretary disrupts speech gathering his belongings on way out of chamber.
Obama Calls On David Plouffe to Clean Up His Political Problems
Transcript of private meeting between President Obama, White House senior advisor David Axelrod, and former Obama campaign manager David Plouffe, who was brought back to jumpstart Obama’s presidency: PLOUFFE: . . . What you’re going to do immediately is ram health care down…
GM Recalls 2005 Canyon Pick Ups, Scott Brown Stranded in Massachusetts
Obama pleads ignorance: “Just because I’m in charge of General Motors doesn’t mean I necessarily knew about this recall.”
Obama Offers Condolences to Martha Coakley
“Oh, well, I guess this health care thing wasn’t such a great idea after all. Hey, um, Martha, do me a favor, would you? Call the Kennedys and explain how sorry I am that we lost John and Teddy’s seat.”
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
