Dead at 68: Don LaFontaine, Iconic Voice of Movie Trailers, Famous for Intoning “In a World . . .”

news_234601On his deathbed, Lafontaine saw his life flash before his eyes – and was surprised it included footage that didn’t make it into the finished product.

Jan 2

Mr. Blackwell Names “Worst Dressed” of the Year

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Jan 2

’2001′ Author Arthur C. Clarke is Dead, Police Name HAL a Computer of Interest

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Jan 2

Charlton Heston is Dead at 84

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Jan 2

Period of Mourning for Heath Ledger Now Slightly Longer Than His Career

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Jan 2

Tattletale Mark “Deep Throat” Felt Dead at 95

feltObituary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham

Traitorous FBI agent W. Mark Felt, who in 2005 slithered out from the excrement of prevarication that encrusted his wretched being to reveal that he was the “Deep Throat” of Watergate fame, is dead, finally, at 95.

The liberal elite, who for 35 years sought to dupe Western Civilization into thinking that the Watergate cover-up and rampant criminality of the Nixon administration were somehow “wrong,” staunchly opposed any felony charges being brought against turncoat Felt for betraying the commander in chief.  

No less a moral authority than G. Gordon Liddy declared Felt guilty of violating the ethics of the law enforcement profession when he fed information to Bob Woodward that helped topple the Nixon administration.  (It is, of course, completely beside the point that Felt was sneaking around parking garages with Woodward because of the criminal actions of Liddy and his ilk, not to mention the President of the United States.)

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Dec 19

Betty James, Co-Founder of Slinky Company, is Dead

The wiry 90-year-old attempted to walk down the stairs end-over-end, but she tumbled, made a slinkity sound, and broke her neck.

Nov 24

Mr. Blackwell Names “Worst Dressed” of the Year

Oct 20

Paul Newman Dead at 83

Sep 27

“Peanuts” Animator Bill Melendez Dies at 91

Mourners have difficulty understanding sermon at funeral because minister’s voice sounded like a muted trombone

Sep 4

Dead at 68: Don LaFontaine, Iconic Voice of Movie Trailers, Famous for Intoning “In a World . . .”

On his deathbed, Lafontaine saw his life flash before his eyes – and was surprised it included footage that didn’t make it into the finished product.

Sep 3

Correction of Story From Last Week: Dead at 89, Alexander Solzhenitsyn was Russian Dissident, Not Russian Disinfectant as Previously Reported

Aug 15

Inventor of Apple Pie Dead at 86

PITTSBURGH, PA – Noah Swayne was a man of multi-faceted accomplishments but the one thing he could not do was bake. “It’s one of history’s great ironies that a man who could not bake is responsible for the quitessential American dessert, apple pie,” said President Bush in a statement released shortly after Mr. Swayne’s death yesterday at 86.

“He loved apples, and he loved pie, and one day he said, ‘I’m going to combine the two,’” explained his widow, Velveeta Lugosi-Swayne. “We all thought he’d flipped. But Noah had a vision, and he went after it.”

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Jun 6

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