Blog Archives
Revered JFK Speechwriter Ted Sorensen Dies, Last Assigment was Writing Ads for Subway
BOSTON – Ted Sorensen, the wordsmith behind President John F. Kennedy’s direct but soaring rhetoric and portions of Kennedy’s Pulitzer-Prize-winning book “Profiles in Courage,” died of complications of a stroke. He was 82. The timing of Sorensen’s death was ironic because last month it was…
MSNBC Anchor Contessa Brewer ‘Acutely Depressed’ Over News That Times Square Bomber is Muslim
NEW YORK – Contessa Brewer has taken a leave of absence from her job as an MSNBC anchor to undergo intense electro-shock therapy for depression stemming from the news that the Times Square bomber is a Pakistan American Muslim instead of an…
Obituary: Walter Cronkite: Mastered Art of Delivering News Phonetically
NEW YORK - Walter Cronkite, who had no idea what he was saying when he read the news to millions of Americans every night and yet was regarded as truth’s most trusted custodian, is dead at 92. Cronkite fled the Netherlands and came to New York during World…
Swine Flu a Bust, MSNBC Execs Huddle To Pick Next Panic
NEW YORK – MSNBC executives held an emergency meeting to decide America’s next major panic after determining that the swine flu outbreak is not nearly as serious as initially expected. Phil Griffin, President of the cable news network, apologized profusely to network…
Chimp Who Mauled Rihanna Breaks Silence, Says He’s Very Sorry, Seeking Counseling
HARTFORD – Travis, the 200-pound chimp who allegedly badly mauled singer Rihanna, says he is seeking counseling from loved ones and family members. “Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking…
Tim Russert Reports Worms Infestation “Out of Control”
NEW YORK - Tim Russert, deceased host of NBC’s “Meet the Press,” confirmed that an infestation of worms and other subterranean insects have broken through the walls of his casket, once thought to be inpenetrable. “The worms are eating my hair,” cried Russert. …
Digital TV Transition Just Two Months Away
Network execs promise broadcasts will “stimulate your senses like never before,” insult your intelligence just the same
Coming to Get You in Just 10 Days…
Carbolic Smoke Ball Presents ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES All the best headlines, highlights, and hilarity of Carbolic’s first three years. Over 300 classic items and editorials, with dozens of new features, photos, and illustrations, a foreword by radio great Randy…
Posted in Carbolic News, Media, Pop Culture
ABC to Close Broadcast, Online Divisions, Deliver News Exclusively Through Twitter
“We want to be ahead of the curve,” said ABC News President David Westin. “And if we can’t tell a story in fewer than 140 characters, no one’s gonna read it anyway.”
Catholics to Protest New Fox Series, “People Say the Damnedest Things in Confession!”
NEW YORK – The Vatican today called on people of goodwill to boycott the Fox Network’s new reality show, “People Say the Damnedest Things in Confession!”, which puts hidden microphones and cameras in the confessional of a Catholic Church. “It…
Posted in Entertainment, Media, Pop Culture, Religion
Palin’s “SNL” Appearance Part of a Long Tradition of Politicians Poking Fun at Selves on TV
NEW YORK – Sarah Palin proved to be a good sport by poking fun at herself on “Saturday Night Live,” but her appearance was anything but unprecedented. Politicians have been going on TV and radio to lighten their images for decades. Richard…
Posted in Derision 2008, Extras, History, Media
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
