Blog Archives

Is George Zimmerman Too Fat for Dancing with the Stars?

Posted in Crime, Legal News, Media, Pop Culture

Revered JFK Speechwriter Ted Sorensen Dies, Last Assigment was Writing Ads for Subway

BOSTON – Ted Sorensen, the wordsmith behind President John F. Kennedy’s direct but soaring rhetoric and portions of Kennedy’s Pulitzer-Prize-winning book “Profiles in Courage,” died of complications of a stroke.  He was 82. The timing of Sorensen’s death was ironic because last month it was

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Posted in Extras, History, Media

MSNBC Anchor Contessa Brewer ‘Acutely Depressed’ Over News That Times Square Bomber is Muslim

NEW YORK – Contessa Brewer has taken a leave of absence from her job as an MSNBC anchor to undergo intense electro-shock therapy for depression stemming from the news that the Times Square bomber is a Pakistan American Muslim instead of an

Posted in Media, U.S. News

King Features Syndicate Reveals New “Mary Worth” Strip in Which Mary Has Coffee With the Prophet Mohammed

Posted in Entertainment, International News, Media, Pop Culture

Carbolic/Comedy Central Exclusive: First Look at Next Week’s South Park Episode, “Mohammed Returns”

Posted in Entertainment, International News, Media, Pop Culture

Man Sues TV Station for Blurring Face, Claims He Can’t Un-blur It

PITTSBURGH – Noah Swayne, 32, is suing WPXI-TV for blurring his face in a news story last week because, he says, he cannot un-blur it. Swayne’s face was blurred in a report dealing with alleged wrongdoing by his employer.  “Now

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Posted in Legal News, Local News, Media

Obituary: Walter Cronkite: Mastered Art of Delivering News Phonetically

NEW YORK – Walter Cronkite, who had no idea what he was saying when he read the news to millions of Americans every night and yet was regarded as truth’s most trusted custodian, is dead at 92. Cronkite fled the Netherlands and came to New York during World

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Posted in Media, Obituaries

Swine Flu a Bust, MSNBC Execs Huddle To Pick Next Panic

NEW YORK – MSNBC executives held an emergency meeting to decide America’s next major panic after determining that the swine flu outbreak is not nearly as serious as initially expected.  Phil Griffin, President of the cable news network, apologized profusely to network

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Posted in Health, Media

Chimp Who Mauled Rihanna Breaks Silence, Says He’s Very Sorry, Seeking Counseling

HARTFORD – Travis, the 200-pound chimp who allegedly badly mauled singer Rihanna, says he is seeking counseling from loved ones and family members. “Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking

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Posted in Entertainment, Extras, Media

Tim Russert Reports Worms Infestation “Out of Control”

NEW YORK – Tim Russert, deceased host of NBC’s “Meet the Press,” confirmed that an infestation of worms and other subterranean insects have broken through the walls of his casket, once thought to be inpenetrable. “The worms are eating my hair,” cried Russert. 

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Posted in Extras, Media

“My Special Guest Tonight: Heather Mills”

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Posted in Arts, Entertainment, Media

Political Commentators Rapturous Over Obama’s Speech, Find “Profound Symbolism” in Portions Where He Exposed Self, Defecated

WASHINGTON – The reviews are in, and political commentators around the world are unanimous in praising Barack Obama’s inaugural address.  Experts on presidential rhetoric lauded the speech for not producing any memorable lines, as well as for the absence of eloquence, form, structure

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Posted in Media, Politics, U.S. News

Public Warned: As of February 17, Anyone Without a Digital Converter Box Will Not be Able to See or Hear Analog People

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Posted in Business, Media, Tech

Digital TV Transition Just Two Months Away

Network execs promise broadcasts will “stimulate your senses like never before,” insult your intelligence just the same  

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Posted in Media, Tech

Coming to Get You in Just 10 Days…

Carbolic Smoke Ball Presents ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES All the best headlines, highlights, and hilarity of Carbolic’s first three years. Over 300 classic items and editorials, with dozens of new features, photos, and illustrations, a foreword by radio great Randy

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Posted in Carbolic News, Media, Pop Culture

ABC to Close Broadcast, Online Divisions, Deliver News Exclusively Through Twitter

“We want to be ahead of the curve,” said ABC News President David Westin. “And if we can’t tell a story in fewer than 140 characters, no one’s gonna read it anyway.” 

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Posted in Media

Time Names Obama “Person of the Year” for 2008, 2009, 2010

“We would have done it for ’11 and ’12 too,” said Managing Editor Richard Stengel, “but we thought we should wait and see if he earns it first.”

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Posted in Media, Politics

Our Apologies for Erroneous Headline

Carbolic Smoke Ball apologizes to its readers for the erroneous headline we printed late yesterday that proclaimed former New York Governor Thomas Dewey the winner over Illinois Senator Barack Obama in the presidential election.  We do not now how this

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Posted in Carbolic News, Derision 2008, Media, Politics

Catholics to Protest New Fox Series, “People Say the Damnedest Things in Confession!”

NEW YORK – The Vatican today called on people of goodwill to boycott the Fox Network’s new reality show, “People Say the Damnedest Things in Confession!”, which puts hidden microphones and cameras in the confessional of a Catholic Church. “It

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Posted in Entertainment, Media, Pop Culture, Religion

Palin’s “SNL” Appearance Part of a Long Tradition of Politicians Poking Fun at Selves on TV

NEW YORK – Sarah Palin proved to be a good sport by poking fun at herself on “Saturday Night Live,” but her appearance was anything but unprecedented.  Politicians have been going on TV and radio to lighten their images for decades. Richard

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Posted in Derision 2008, Extras, History, Media
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The Carbolic Book Award

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