Blog Archives

Furious Warren Buffett Rips Rich Uncle Pennybags: ‘Charities Don’t Want Your Fake Money’

ATLANTIC CITY – Berkshire Hathaway Inc. Chairman Warren Buffett has asked fellow billionaires to pledge the majority of their wealth to charity, but he angrily told one billionaire “don’t bother.” Buffett publicly scolded rich Uncle Pennybags, the dapper, mustached mascot of a popular

Posted in Business, Extras, Life, U.S. News

Consumer Tip: Wait for Parking Meter to Run Out Before Leaving Space

NEW YORK – Commuters are being urged to get their money’s worth out of parking meters by waiting until the meter completely runs out before leaving the parking space.  “I see drivers leaving parking spaces with 15, sometimes 20 minutes

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Posted in Extras, Life

Consultant to Beggars: “Start Your Day Earlier!”

PITTSBURGH – Dr. Noah Swayne, acclaimed panhandler consultant, was the keynote speaker at the 2009 Panhandler Convention at the David Lawrence Convention Center. Dr. Swayne’s speech, “The Early Bird Catches the Worm,” implored panhandlers to start their day earlier to

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Posted in Life

Carbolic Exclusive: Bristol Palin Calls Off Wedding Due to Boyfriend’s Affair With Cougar

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Posted in Life

Juno is “Pissed” That Her Boyfriend is Octuplet Father

She is so upset, she is at a loss for erudite wisecracks.

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Posted in Life

Thousands of Men Claim to be Father of the Octuplets

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Posted in Extras, Life

Bill Clinton Surprised to Find Wife Enjoys Pina Coladas and Getting Caught in the Rain

WASHINGTON – Bill Clinton said he was shocked to discover that his wife Hillary enjoyed pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Mr. Clinton made his remarks in a Saturday interview on “Larry King Live.” “I was tired of my lady.

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Posted in Life

Octuplet Mom Reveals She’s Finding it Tough to Get a Date

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Posted in Life

Hero Pilot’s Wife Tells All: “In Bed, He Talks Like He’s Flying a Plane!”

DANVILLE, CALIFORNIA – Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger, the heroic pilot who miraculously landed a US Airways jet into the Hudson River, talks like a pilot in bed, said his wife, Lorrie Sullenberger, on Larry King Live last night. “He starts off the same

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Posted in Life

Obama Meets With Mary Worth to Discuss Ways to Revive Economy

WASHINGTON – Faced with mounting opposition from Republican leaders in Congress to his proposed stimulus package and a dire economic prognosis from his top advisors, President Obama met today with the one American capable of providing an effective, sensible solution: Mary

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Posted in Life, Politics, U.S. News

First Mother-in-Law Lays Down the Law

“I told Barack and Michelle: no state functions after nine o’clock. If they want to live here, they must abide by my rules.”  MARIAN ROBINSON, Barack Obama’s mother-in-law, who moved into the White House with the Obamas.

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Posted in Life

Just a Few Commemorative 2009 Wall Calendars Remaining . . .

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Posted in Extras, Life

Pressed for Funds, Local “No-Kill” Shelter Becomes “Occasional-Kill”

Squeezed by a tightening economy and a growing number of abandoned pets, a local ‘no-kill’ animal shelter said it is revising its policies and will now become an ‘accidental kill’ shelter. “We could never look a puppy in the face

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Posted in Business, Extras, Life, Local News

Baghdad NOW Lauds Female Suicide Bomber For Shattering Glass Ceiling, Glass Windows, Glass Doors

BAGHDAD – The Baghdad chapter of the National Organization for Women paid homage to the female suicide bomber who blew herself up at a shrine in Baghdad yesterday, killing at least 40.  NOW issued a proclamation commending the young woman for “shattering the glass ceiling

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Posted in Gender News, International News, Life

Gay Marriage Debate Still Contentious

“We need to decide right now which of us gets to be the one who rolls her eyes, acts as if she’s chronically put-upon, and always gets her way — you know, the woman.”

Posted in Gender News, Life, U.S. News

Local Beggar Takes Credit Cards, Makes a Killing

SPRINGFIELD – Local beggar Carol Murray, who panhandles from the corner of Grant and Seventh Avenues downtown, is having her best year ever because she started accepting credit cards. “If people say they don’t have any change, I tell them,

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Posted in Business, Extras, Life

Webster’s Finds New Image for Definition of “Yuppie Asshole”

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Angelina, Brad Abandon Six Children Under Nebraska’s Safe Haven Law

OMAHA – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt drove their six children from Los Angeles to an Omaha hospital today and legally abandoned them under Nebraska’s new safe haven law, which allows parents to abandon children as old as 18 at

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Posted in Entertainment, Life, Local News

Local Family Lays Off Three Children

“We’re realigning structure to make the family unit more efficient and responsive, and to more strategically position our household for success in today’s challenging economic environment,” said Chief Operating Father Cornelius Dunn   

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Posted in Business, Life, Local News

Feminist Group Protests Use of “Stereotypical Pink” for Breast Cancer Awareness Month

“This is just one more example of an oppressive, patriarchal society perpetuating the tropes that further allow the offensive and hegemonic stereotyping of femininity as pinkness,” said activist Harriet Von Munchausen, who added that “coral, or maybe a light fuschia,

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Posted in Gender News, Health, Life
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