ATLANTIC CITY - Berkshire Hathaway Inc. Chairman Warren Buffett has asked fellow billionaires to pledge the majority of their wealth to charity, but he angrily told one billionaire “don’t bother.” Buffett publicly scolded rich Uncle Pennybags, the dapper, mustached mascot of a popular…
Blog Archives
Consumer Tip: Wait for Parking Meter to Run Out Before Leaving Space
NEW YORK – Commuters are being urged to get their money’s worth out of parking meters by waiting until the meter completely runs out before leaving the parking space. “I see drivers leaving parking spaces with 15, sometimes 20 minutes…
Consultant to Beggars: “Start Your Day Earlier!”
PITTSBURGH – Dr. Noah Swayne, acclaimed panhandler consultant, was the keynote speaker at the 2009 Panhandler Convention at the David Lawrence Convention Center. Dr. Swayne’s speech, “The Early Bird Catches the Worm,” implored panhandlers to start their day earlier to…
Juno is “Pissed” That Her Boyfriend is Octuplet Father
She is so upset, she is at a loss for erudite wisecracks.
Bill Clinton Surprised to Find Wife Enjoys Pina Coladas and Getting Caught in the Rain
WASHINGTON – Bill Clinton said he was shocked to discover that his wife Hillary enjoyed pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Mr. Clinton made his remarks in a Saturday interview on “Larry King Live.” “I was tired of my lady.…
Hero Pilot’s Wife Tells All: “In Bed, He Talks Like He’s Flying a Plane!”
DANVILLE, CALIFORNIA – Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger, the heroic pilot who miraculously landed a US Airways jet into the Hudson River, talks like a pilot in bed, said his wife, Lorrie Sullenberger, on Larry King Live last night. “He starts off the same…
First Mother-in-Law Lays Down the Law
“I told Barack and Michelle: no state functions after nine o’clock. If they want to live here, they must abide by my rules.” MARIAN ROBINSON, Barack Obama’s mother-in-law, who moved into the White House with the Obamas.
Pressed for Funds, Local “No-Kill” Shelter Becomes “Occasional-Kill”
Squeezed by a tightening economy and a growing number of abandoned pets, a local ‘no-kill’ animal shelter said it is revising its policies and will now become an ‘accidental kill’ shelter. “We could never look a puppy in the face…
Baghdad NOW Lauds Female Suicide Bomber For Shattering Glass Ceiling, Glass Windows, Glass Doors
BAGHDAD – The Baghdad chapter of the National Organization for Women paid homage to the female suicide bomber who blew herself up at a shrine in Baghdad yesterday, killing at least 40. NOW issued a proclamation commending the young woman for ”shattering the glass ceiling…
Tagged with: Baghdad, Gender Wage Gap, Suicide Bomber
Posted in Gender News, International News, Life
Posted in Gender News, International News, Life
Gay Marriage Debate Still Contentious
“We need to decide right now which of us gets to be the one who rolls her eyes, acts as if she’s chronically put-upon, and always gets her way — you know, the woman.”
Local Beggar Takes Credit Cards, Makes a Killing
SPRINGFIELD – Local beggar Carol Murray, who panhandles from the corner of Grant and Seventh Avenues downtown, is having her best year ever because she started accepting credit cards. “If people say they don’t have any change, I tell them,…
Angelina, Brad Abandon Six Children Under Nebraska’s Safe Haven Law
OMAHA – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt drove their six children from Los Angeles to an Omaha hospital today and legally abandoned them under Nebraska’s new safe haven law, which allows parents to abandon children as old as 18 at…
Tagged with: Adoption, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Foreign Kids, Nebraska, Omaha, Safe Haven Law
Posted in Entertainment, Life, Local News
Posted in Entertainment, Life, Local News
Local Family Lays Off Three Children
“We’re realigning structure to make the family unit more efficient and responsive, and to more strategically position our household for success in today’s challenging economic environment,” said Chief Operating Father Cornelius Dunn
Feminist Group Protests Use of “Stereotypical Pink” for Breast Cancer Awareness Month
“This is just one more example of an oppressive, patriarchal society perpetuating the tropes that further allow the offensive and hegemonic stereotyping of femininity as pinkness,” said activist Harriet Von Munchausen, who added that “coral, or maybe a light fuschia,…
Tagged with: Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Feminist Groups, Pink
Posted in Gender News, Health, Life
Posted in Gender News, Health, Life
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
