Blog Archives

Angela Merkel injured in skiing accident, NSA credited as first responder

Posted in International News, Obama, Politics

Kim Jong-Un Readies Hot Dog Launchers

Posted in International News, War

Analyst: Expect more ‘Spy Swaps’ from Cash-Strapped US before Trading Deadline

WASHINGTON – The international espionage community rarely agrees on anything, but the recent “spy swap” between the United States and Russia has most counterintelligence analysts nodding their heads and exclaiming in unison: “Salary dump!” “No question about it,” Boris Yeltsin-Swayne of Lithuania explained.

Posted in Extras, International News, U.S. News

Che Guevara Posters Hang in Dorm Rooms Around The World; Whose Poster Did Che Display?

Posted in International News

Rasputin Won’t Shave Playoff Beard Until Flyers Win Stanley Cup

PHILADELPHIA – Grigori Rasputin, Russian mystic and self-described hockey fanatic, visited with members of the Philadelphia Flyers yesterday and informed them that he wouldn’t be shaving until after the team wins the Stanley Cup.  “Some people call me the Mad Monk,” he

Posted in Extras, International News, Sports

Bin Laden, Al Zawahiri Hold Vow Renewal Ceremony

PESHAWAR – Osama Bin Laden and Dr. Ayman Al Zawahiri celebrated twenty years of terror together by renewing their vows to destroy the United States in a cave-side ceremony attended by family and friends. Mullah Omar officiated. Mr. Bin Laden, who looked

Posted in International News

Taliban Debate Features Lively Exchange Of Ideas, Gunfire

KARACHI – Sheik Abdul “Honest Abe” Abdul and Sahib “Smilin’ Joe” Sahib, the two candidates running for the office of Lieutenant Mullah in next month’s Taliban elections, squared off last night in a debate witnessed by hundreds of spectators in a remote

Posted in International News

King Features Syndicate Reveals New “Mary Worth” Strip in Which Mary Has Coffee With the Prophet Mohammed

Posted in Entertainment, International News, Media, Pop Culture

Carbolic/Comedy Central Exclusive: First Look at Next Week’s South Park Episode, “Mohammed Returns”

Posted in Entertainment, International News, Media, Pop Culture

Daylight Savings Disaster!

CHICAGO – The atomic scientists at the University of Chicago who maintain the Doomsday Clock, the timekeeper that warns of global annihilation when the clock strikes midnight, accidentally sprung the hands of the clock forward one hour Saturday night, pushing

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Posted in International News

Schools Reopen In Chile: “Alright, Class, We’re Going To Use Up Our Remaining Air Supply By Opening Our Books To Page 71″

Posted in International News

Fidel Back In Charge of Cuba After His Failed NBC Prime Time Experiment

HAVANA – Fidel Castro is once again the arbiter of all critical matters facing Cuba, experts say, after a failed experiment as host of a nightly prime time show on NBC. The iconic revolutionary marked his return to power with a sepia-toned parody of The

Posted in Extras, International News

UN Earthquake Relief Organization Angers Haiti By Listing Chile As “Hot,” Haiti As “Not”

SANTIAGO – Following Saturday’s 8.8 magnitude Chilean earthquake, the UN’s World Food Programme, charged with providing relief services in Haiti following last month’s 7.0 magnitude earthquake there, angered Haitians by posting a list of “What’s Hot, What’s Not” on its Web site. Under the “Hot” column, the WFP listed “Hoodies, Taylor Lautner,

Posted in International News, Weather

CIA Uncovers Japanese Plot to Suddenly Accelerate All Toyotas Tomorrow at Noon

WASHINGTON – The CIA has learned that every Toyota sold in the United States since 2004 has been infected with a virus, set to activate this Friday at noon, that will cause the cars to suddenly accelerate.  The Japanese plot is intended to cause mass carnage on

Posted in Business, International News

CSB EXCLUSIVE: Luge That Killed Georgian Olympian Was Manufactured by Toyota

VANCOUVER – Carbolic Smoke Ball sources have confirmed that Georgian Olympian Nodar Kumaritashvili, who died Friday after crashing during a training run, was riding a luge manufactured by the Toyota Motor Corporation at the time of his accident. Though Georgian

Posted in International News, Investigative Reports, Sports

Disturbing YouTube Video Shows International Olympic Committee Terrorizing Homeless Man With Olympic Torch

NEW YORK – The International Olympic Committee is being questioned in connection with a barbaric three-minute video that appeared on YouTube over the weekend showing more than three dozen Olympic Committee members taunting and terrorizing a homeless man with the iconic Olympic

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Posted in International News, U.S. News

Iran Joins Ranks of World Powers: New TV Ad Features Cartoon Ayatollah Khomeini Selling Mattresses to Celebrate Anniversary of Revolution

“We’re slashing prices the way I’d like to slash the throat of Salmon Rushdie.”

Posted in Ads, International News

Pirates Owner Bob Nutting Tapped to Rebuild Haiti Due to His Track Record in Pittsburgh

Haiti says “we’re doomed.”

Posted in International News, Sports

Bill Clinton Tapped to Renegotiate Haiti’s Pact With the Devil

PORT-AU-PRINCE – Former U.S. President Bill Clinton has been retained by Haiti to renegotiate the pact that citizens of the island made with the devil in 1791 in order to free Haiti from French rule.  The pact has led to one bad

Posted in International News

Tostitos To Sponsor U.N. Conference On Genocide

NEW YORK – Frito-Lay, a division of Pepsi-Co, announced yesterday that it will sponsor this February’s U.N. Conference on Genocide. The Conference, which will now be known as “The Tostitos U.N. Conference on Genocide,” will be hosted by popular emcee Ryan Seacrest.

Posted in International News
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