Blog Archives
Carbolic Flashback: Anthem for Civil Rights Movement Resulted From Error in Transcription
In 1962, singer-activist Joan Baez invited Dr. Martin Luther King and his wife to dinner. Dr. King telephoned Baez to accept her invitation and spoke with her secretary. “Please tell Ms. Baez we shall come over,” Dr. King said. But…
Abraham Zapruder Still Heads to Dealey Plaza Every Day, Waiting to Film Trouble
Abraham Zapruder, who captured the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy in a famous home movie, reports to Dealey Plaza every day with movie camera in hand, manning the same perch on the grassy knoll where he was standing…
JFK EVICTED FROM PARKLAND MEMORIAL HOSPITAL
President John F. Kennedy was evicted from Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas this morning because, the hospital said, his health insurance lapsed. Until this morning, Kennedy was widely believed to have died at the hospital on November 22, 1963 after…
Revered JFK Speechwriter Ted Sorensen Dies, Last Assigment was Writing Ads for Subway
BOSTON – Ted Sorensen, the wordsmith behind President John F. Kennedy’s direct but soaring rhetoric and portions of Kennedy’s Pulitzer-Prize-winning book “Profiles in Courage,” died of complications of a stroke. He was 82. The timing of Sorensen’s death was ironic because last month it was…
Iconic Photo Revealed To Be Nixon Farewell Prank
WASHINGTON – Thirty-six years ago today, Richard M. Nixon resigned the presidency in disgrace as he faced almost certain impeachment for his involvement in the cover-up of the Watergate break-in. As he boarded an Air Force helicopter that would transport him…
From the Archives of Carbolic Smoke Ball: 1189 B.C.: Armor Used in Battle of Troy Recalled after Failing Tests
CITY OF TROY – The Achaean Army High Command has recalled more than 6,000 sets of body armor currently being used by soldiers fighting the Battle of Troy after an audit revealed the armor suffers from a serious design defect. Achaean warrior Achilles…
Posted in Archival Reports, History
From the Carbolic Archives, July 3, 1776: “Rejoice, For We Shall Always Be Englishmen!”
Editorial by the Hon. Josiah Peckham, Editor: Last month, Richard Henry Lee, a delegate to the Second Continental Congress from Virginia, proposed a resolution that, if passed, would dissolve the colonies’ ties with their motherland. Readers of this publication know…
Posted in Archival Reports, History
More Trouble For Arizona: Apaches On War Path, Burning Homes, Attacking Station Wagons
PHOENIX - As if Governor Jan Brewer didn’t have enough on her mind these days, the Apache Indians, who last took up arms against the United States over one hundred and twenty years ago, left their reservation last night with the…
Historian Verifies Authenticity of Eleanor Roosevelt Sex Film
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A prominent American historian has confirmed the authenticity of a crude home-made “sex film” involving former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt and actress Margaret Dumont. The film was discovered by an employee of the Obama Administration. According to the employee,…
TV Highlights: “The Man Who Shot Lincoln,” Starring Burt “Boy Wonder” Ward
Actor’s insistence on playing John Wilkes Booth in “Robin” costume mars documentary HOLLYWOOD – “The Man Who Shot Lincoln” airing tonight, the anniversary of the death of America’s 16th President, is a gritty and shockingly realistic portrayal of the events leading…
Carbolic Flashback: April 9, 1876: Frontier Advocates For Mentally Ill Will Ask Crazy Horse To Change His Name
FORT AGARN - Advocates for the mentally challenged will head to the Black Hills tomorrow to try and persuade Oglala Sioux leader Crazy Horse to change his name. “In this day and age it is simply unacceptable to use terms such as ‘crazy,’” said Ms. Betty Dogooder, spokeswoman of…
Ancient Mayan Realtor Credited With Popularizing Mayan Calendar
Archaeologists credit an ancient Mayan realtor with popularizing the Mayan calendar that predicted the world will end in 2012. Ak’b’al Realtors, which touted itself as “serving pre-Columbian MesoAmerica since 700 B.C.,” gave away thousands of the calendars every holiday season as a promotional…
Five Years After Ronald Reagan’s Death, We Reprint Some of the Moving Tributes Paid to Him That day
“I was impressed with him from our first meeting — he was so intimidating he made my head break out in a rash.” — Mikhail Gorbachev “Some have misconstrued our relationship as having been marked by animosity. It is difficult to…
“Curse of Titanic” Claims Last Survivor; Millvina Dean Dies at 97, of Natural Causes
LONDON – Millvina Dean,the last survivor from the sinking of the Titanic in 1912, has died in England at age 97. Sir Osmond Swayne, Titanic historian, explained that the death of Ms. Dean a year after the death by natural causes…
Nurse From Times Square War Photo Reunites With Navy, Shags 19 Midshipman
ANNAPOLIS – Ninety-year-old retired nurse Edith Swayne was honored at the U.S. Naval Academy yesterday by an assembly of midshipmen after it was announced that she was the woman kissed by a sailor in Alfred Eisnenstaedt’s iconic 1945 photograph of a V-J…
Cheney: I Went Back In Time To Warn Americans About Pearl Harbor
WASHINGTON – Former Vice-President Dick Cheney said he went back in time to warn Americans about the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, but his advice was not followed. Mr. Cheney revealed details of his time-traveling mission on FOX News Sunday.…
Last Titanic Survivor Returns Leonardo DiCaprio’s Donation, Asks for “Mattress Mambo” With Jack Dawson Instead
SOUTHAMPTON, England - Millvini Dean, 97, the last survivor of the Titanic, the infamous ship that sank on its maiden voyage in 1912, returned a $30,000 donation from Leonardo DiCaprio, the star of the film Titanic, that was intended to help pay her nursing home bills. Ms. Dean instead…
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
Carbolic Flashback: November 27, 1623: “The First Thanksgiving Heralds Thousands of Years of Peace and Brotherhood Between the White Man and The Indian”
Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, The Honorable Winthrop Peckham Rejoice, my brothers, for the harvest is rich, and our men have labored mightily. My lone regret is that I was unable to participate in the back-breaking labors attendant to…
Posted in Commentary, History