Blog Archives
Breast Cancer Awareness Nearing Saturation Point, Threatens To Erupt Into Mass Unawareness
WASHINGTON – The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force said that “if there’s any more awareness about breast cancer, there’s going to be a meltdown resulting in mass unawareness.” The task force last year reversed decades of previous recommendations by telling women to start receiving mammograms…
Kagan Surprises Senate Judiciary Committee With Home Made Cookies
WASHINGTON - Elena Kagan, President Obama’s choice to replace retiring Justice John Paul Stevens on the United States Supreme Court, moved one step closer to confirmation yesterday when she surprised the Senate Judiciary Committee with two dozen freshly baked cookies. Senator Jeff…
Roethlisberger Celebrates Exoneration By Hiring Duke Lacrosse Stripper For Private Show
PITTSBURGH – Minutes after it was announced Ben Roethlisberger won’t be charged with sexual assault in connection with a March 5 accusation by a 20-year-old college student, Mr. Roethlisberger declared that he has “learned a lot from my ordeal,” and said that…
Golf Greats Swap Wiccan Marriage Vows at Augusta
AUGUSTA - Golf legends Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer tied the knot yesterday in a secret Wiccan same-sex marriage ceremony at storied Augusta National Golf Course. The exclusive golf club is among the oldest covens of initiated Wiccan priests and priestesses in the…
March is National Women’s Sneeze Awareness Month
March is National Women’s Sneeze Awareness Month, intended to spread awareness about women’s sneezing. “What we’re seeing is an epidemic of the sudden, violent, spasmodic audible expiration of breath through women’s noses and mouths,” said Professor Rosecea Swayne of the Women’s…
Study: Men Are No Good
WASHINGTON - A study commissioned by the National Organization for Women released yesterday concludes that men are no good. Previous studies have found that men are no good in specific areas, including interpersonal relationships, child care, and household chores, but the report released yesterday,…
Men Narrow Life Expectancy Gap, NOW Cries ‘Misogyny’
WASHINGTON – Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women, issued a statement on the report of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showing that men have narrowed the life expectancy gap from a high of 7.8 years in 1979 to…
Senate Votes to Extend Jobless Benefits, Penises
WASHINGTON – The Senate approved a bill extending unemployment benefits for 13-weeks, and penises up to three inches. The penis rider to the legislation was the brainchild of the late Senator Edward Kennedy, who lobbied for its passage by telephoning Senators who were on the fence up to the day he…
Steelers Coach Calls on Women to Falsely Accuse Running Backs of Rape
PITTSBURGH – Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin came under fire from men’s rights groups when he said it is “the civic duty” of the city’s women to falsely accuse the team’s running backs of rape. Tomlin said he’s counting on false…
A Feminist’s Reaction to a Statue of a Fallen Male Soldier
Guest Commentary by Noe Gyven-Tayke – I approach with trepidation the Women’s War Memorial sculpture in Washington, D.C. which depicts three uniformed women with a dying male soldier. Will I be angry? Will I feel abhorrence? Will I regard it as just another…
NOW Says One in Four Women are Assaulted by the Wienermobile
RACINE, Wis. – The Milwaukee Chapter of NOW issued a statement condemning the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile’s crash into a private Racine residence as “an all-too common patriarchal incursion on a woman’s right of privacy by a phallic-like instrument.” NOW’s spokeswoman, Rosacea Swayne, said…
Presidents Clear Up Photo Controversy
Obama: “I was not looking at that girl’s ass.” Sarkozy: “I was looking at Obama’s ass.”
Outcry Over Redesigned Traffic Sign
Local men protest: “Why do traffic signs always depict the male as the one holding the gun?”
Congress Passes “Right To Know Which Celebrities Are Gay” Legislation
WASHINGTON – The so-called “Right To Know Which Celebrities Are Gay” bill sailed through both the House and Senate today by unanimous vote. The bill requires anyone working in the entertainment industry to register their sexual orientation on a national…
Time Machine Inventor Returns to Titanic to Save Men and Children First
To commemorate the anniversary of the April 15, 1912 sinking of Titanic, time-machine inventor Dr. Charles Blatchford has issued a call to feminist scholars and Women’s Studies professors to return to the ship’s deck on that fateful night and help…
Company to Replace All Male Employees With Females to Reap Gender Wage Gap Savings
PITTSBURGH – Friday marks the last day of employment for Gulf Oil Company’s 13,000 male employees. CEO Rosacea Lugosi-Swayne announced two months ago that all of the company’s male employees have received pink slips and will be replaced by females in a move to save…
Now on DVD: “Teeth”– A Four-Lipped Man-Eater That Dismembers Members
Film Review by Carbolic Smoke Ball film critic Lorena Bobbitt Mitchell Lichtenstein’s Teeth is a rapturous feminist call to bloodlust, a vengeance porno flick with the soul of a grindhouse potboiler, and the greatest male-bashing — or more accurately, male-chomping…
Posted in Entertainment, Gender News
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