VATICAN CITY – Collections at Roman Catholic churches are down all over the world due to the recession, and more and more pastors are resorting to pickpocketing to fill the church’s coffers. More than 50% of Catholics claim they’ve been pick-pocketed by their parish priests while receiving…
Blog Archives
Wal-Mart Now Hiring Actors to Play Fat White Women With Biracial Kids To Give Its Stores “Discount Feel”
BENTONVILLE, Ark. - Wal-Mart announced that for the holiday season, it is looking to double the number of actors it uses to portray overweight, Caucasian female shoppers who waddle down its stores’ aisles with biracial children. “The women need to be anywhere from 80…
Posted in Economy
New Face of General Motors Revealed
DETROIT – General Motors emerged from bankruptcy with a new look, and some witnesses claim that the once strapping auto industry leader has been turned into a grotesque abomination. “When [U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Robert Gerber] removed the bandages,” said tipstaff Bradleys Roadhouse, “seven…
Old Woman Who Lives In Shoe Facing Foreclosure
NIKETOWN - The Old Woman who lives in a shoe filed emergency motions with a state appellate court yesterday in an effort to forestall foreclosure proceedings on the footwear that has been her primary residence for as long as anyone can…
Government to Back GM, Chrysler Warranties
“There’s your problem, ma’am. But don’t worry — it’s covered!”
Obama Replaces Geithner With Drunken Sailor
Obama: “Mr. Geithner was not spending money with sufficient rapidity or daring for my liking.”
AIG Insurance Agent Ned Ryerson Refuses to Repay Bonus
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA. – AIG insurance agent Ned Ryerson is the last of the failing company’s employees to refuse to repay the bonus he received. Ryerson’s bonus was part of the $165 million bonus package paid to AIG employees that has…
China Forecloses on U.S., Seizes Statue of Liberty
NEW YORK – Thousands of onlookers sadly watched as Chinese laborers dismantled the Statue of Liberty, loaded the pieces on a barge, and hauled them away on the first leg of a journey that will see Lady Liberty reassembled in…
Warren Buffet Spotted Bumming Change for Dinner
OMAHA, Nebraska – Iconic investor Warren Buffett, the “Oracle of Omaha” who last year was declared by Forbes Magazine to be the richest man in the world with a net worth valued at $62 billion, was spotted bumming for change last night…
Tagged with: Bill Gates, Gates Foundation, Oracle of Omaha, Warren Buffet
Posted in Business, Economy
Posted in Business, Economy
Taxpayers “Furious” About Footing the Bill for Dr. Frankenstein’s Monster
Stinging news comes just days after taxpayers learn they will pay for Octuplets WASHINGTON - Taxpayers say they are outraged at news that the cost of creating and caring for Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s new monster will fall on county, state and federal governments. The news comes just days…
Study: Big Box Think Tanks Putting Mom and Pop Think Tanks Out of Business
WASHINGTON – A study released by the Commerce Department yesterday shows an alarming increase in the number of local think tanks that have gone out of business in the past twenty-four months. The study concludes that the primary reason for…
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
