Blog Archives

Recession Hits Church, Priests Resort to Pickpocketing

VATICAN CITY – Collections at Roman Catholic churches are down all over the world due to the recession, and more and more pastors are resorting to pickpocketing to fill the church’s coffers. More than 50% of Catholics claim they’ve been pick-pocketed by their parish priests while receiving

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Posted in Economy, Religion

Obama Proposes Bailout for Las Vegas to Cure Recession That Started When He Told People Not To Go There

Posted in Economy, U.S. News

Wal-Mart Now Hiring Actors to Play Fat White Women With Biracial Kids To Give Its Stores “Discount Feel”

BENTONVILLE, Ark. - Wal-Mart announced that for the holiday season, it is looking to double the number of actors it uses to portray overweight, Caucasian female shoppers who waddle down its stores’ aisles with biracial children. “The women need to be anywhere from 80

Posted in Economy

New Face of General Motors Revealed

DETROIT – General Motors emerged from bankruptcy with a new look, and some witnesses claim that the once strapping auto industry leader has been turned into a grotesque abomination. “When [U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Robert Gerber] removed the bandages,” said tipstaff Bradleys Roadhouse, “seven

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Posted in Economy

Old Woman Who Lives In Shoe Facing Foreclosure

NIKETOWN - The Old Woman who lives in a shoe filed emergency motions with a state appellate court yesterday in an effort to forestall foreclosure proceedings on the footwear that has been her primary residence for as long as anyone can

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Posted in Economy

Geithner: Administration Is Up To Task of Handling Financial Crisis

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Posted in Economy

Government to Back GM, Chrysler Warranties

“There’s your problem, ma’am. But don’t worry — it’s covered!”

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Posted in Business, Economy, U.S. News

Michael Moore Unveils New Film About His Quest to Track Down the Head of General Motors

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Posted in Economy, Entertainment

GM Buys Out CEO, Pays Him the 74 Cents Remaining On His One Dollar-Per-Year Contract

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Posted in Economy

Obama Replaces Geithner With Drunken Sailor

Obama: “Mr. Geithner was not spending money with sufficient rapidity or daring for my liking.”

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Posted in Economy, U.S. News

AIG Insurance Agent Ned Ryerson Refuses to Repay Bonus

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA. – AIG insurance agent Ned Ryerson is the last of the failing company’s employees to refuse to repay the bonus he received.  Ryerson’s bonus was part of the $165 million bonus package paid to AIG employees that has

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Posted in Economy, U.S. News

China Forecloses on U.S., Seizes Statue of Liberty

NEW YORK – Thousands of onlookers sadly watched as Chinese laborers dismantled the Statue of Liberty, loaded the pieces on a barge, and hauled them away on the first leg of a journey that will see Lady Liberty reassembled in

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Posted in Economy, International News, U.S. News

Warren Buffet Spotted Bumming Change for Dinner

OMAHA, Nebraska – Iconic investor Warren Buffett, the “Oracle of Omaha” who last year was declared by Forbes Magazine to be the richest man in the world with a net worth valued at $62 billion, was spotted bumming for change last night

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Posted in Business, Economy

Taxpayers “Furious” About Footing the Bill for Dr. Frankenstein’s Monster

Stinging news comes just days after taxpayers learn they will pay for Octuplets  WASHINGTON - Taxpayers say they are outraged at news that the cost of creating and caring for Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s new monster will fall on county, state and federal governments.  The news comes just days

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Posted in Economy, Health

Study: Big Box Think Tanks Putting Mom and Pop Think Tanks Out of Business

WASHINGTON – A study released by the Commerce Department yesterday shows an alarming increase in the number of local think tanks that have gone out of business in the past twenty-four months. The study concludes that the primary reason for

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Posted in Business, Economy

Reagan’s Words Recalled: “In the Present Crisis, Jim Belushi is Not the Solution to the Problem; Jim Belushi Is the Problem”

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Posted in Economy, History

Senators Spend Weekend Debating the Kinds of Stimulus They Prefer

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Posted in Economy, Politics

Obama Stumbles Upon Windfall to Fund Stimulus Package: Cabinet Promises to Start Paying Taxes

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Posted in Economy, U.S. News
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