Carbolic Smoke Ball » Derision 2008

#7: Obama Touches Liberty Bell, Heals Crack

Judge Rufus Peckham — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 05:06:11 +0000

Ötzi, World’s Oldest Mummy, Unthawed to Console Brother, John McCain

Judge Rufus Peckham — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 05:07:13 +0000

Otzi, the world’s oldest mummy preserved in a glacier for 5,300 years, was unthawed yesterday to cheer up his brother following McCain’s loss earlier this month to Barack Obama in the presidential election.

After physicians unfroze the mummy using hair dryers, Otzi groggily opened his eyes and immediately asked for a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate – venti.

McCain was ushered into the room and, according to Dr. Noah Swayne, the two brothers reminisced about the old days — “I mean the real old days, before there was language.”

Otzi promised McCain he would visit him after he puts on a little weight, and McCain thanked Otzi for consoling him.

“I’m not coming to Arizona to console you, you moron,” Otzi snapped. “I’m coming to warm up — I’m freezing!”

Palin Vows To Learn Identity of Critic Within McCain Camp

Judge Rufus Peckham — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 05:03:02 +0000

WASHINGTON – Governor Sarah Palin vowed today that she will uncover the identity of the person within the McCain camp who has leaked unflattering claims about her to the media. Carbolic Smoke Ball has obtained a copy of the latest hateful text authored by Palin’s phantom critic: My friends — my friends, Sarah Palin is an idiot.”

Bush Shows Obama the “Dark Parts” of the White House

Judge Rufus Peckham — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 05:02:29 +0000

“I thought that’s where he’d be most comfortable,” the President said

Obama Visits White House, Hires New Advisor

Judge Rufus Peckham — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 05:00:36 +0000

“I Know Africa is a Continent — Just Like Mexico”

Judge Rufus Peckham — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 05:06:18 +0000

Racism, Segregation Not Dead Yet: Obama Forced to Ride in Back of Limo

Judge Rufus Peckham — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 05:05:08 +0000

Secret Service Agents deny any wrongdoing: “If we really were prejudiced, we’d make him drive.”

McCain Has Revelation About America

Judge Rufus Peckham — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 05:05:54 +0000

“You really aren’t my friends, are you?

“You Didn’t Know Africa is a Continent? No Wonder We Lost, You Dumbass!”

Judge Rufus Peckham — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 05:03:42 +0000

Biden Calls in Special “Contractor” to Clean Up VP Mansion After Last Tenant

Judge Rufus Peckham — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 05:07:27 +0000