Blog Archives

Zimmerman Defense Celebrates as Paula Deen Selected to Jury

Posted in Crime, Legal News

Is George Zimmerman Too Fat for Dancing with the Stars?

Posted in Crime, Legal News, Media, Pop Culture

Jodi Arias Murders Jury in Self-Defense

Posted in Crime

‘Earth Hour’ Tragedy: Farmhouse Overrun By Zombies When Family Turns Off Floodlights

CLARKSVILLE, PA – All three members of the local Cooper family, husband and wife Harry, 38, and Helen, 35, and their daughter Karen, 16, were brutally dismembered by marauding zombies Saturday night after Mrs. Cooper shut off the floodlights atop the Coopers’ home in observance of Earth Hour.  Police say the

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Posted in Crime, Local News

Times Square Hero Also First to Notice Volcano, Underwear Bomber

NEW YORK CITY – Surly street vendor Lance Orton, who alerted police to the suspicious SUV that contained a home-made bomb in Times Square, was also the first to alert authorities about suspicious activity in the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland just

Posted in Crime

Prince’s Attorney: “His Highness is Completely Innocent of Sexual Assault”

MILLEDGEVILLE, Ga. – Police continue to investigate allegations that the Prince sexually assaulted a 20-year-old member of a different royal family who works as a scullery maid for her step-mother, the Queen.  This news outlet does not name alleged victims of sexual

Posted in Crime

Roethlisberger’s Latest Accuser ‘Pissed’ That Jesse Jackson Hasn’t Offered Her A Scholarship

“I thought, ‘Where’s my scholarship, like [Duke lacrosse false accuser] Crystal [Mangum] got?’  Then I remembered, ‘Oh, shit, I’m not black!’”

Posted in Crime

Obama Under Fire For Authorizing Civilian Trial For Killer Whale

Whale went on killing rampage after being denied tenure

Posted in Crime

Sea World Assures Trainers: ‘It Will Be Safe To Do Act With Killer Whale on Fridays in Lent’

“The whale is Catholic, so he won’t eat you on Fridays in Lent.”

Posted in Crime, Entertainment, Science

Most Popular New Defense for Bank Robbery: ‘I Thought I Was In Rip Torn’s House’

Posted in Crime, Entertainment

Prof. Amy Bishop’s Shooting Rampage Could Cost Her Tenure

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. – Some faculty members at the University of Alabama, Huntsville say that biology professor Amy Bishop’s shooting rampage, which left three dead and three others wounded, “could” cost her tenure. “The troubling part for me was that she killed only members of historically

Posted in Crime, Education

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Mel Gibson’s Father Say Death of Holocaust Museum Shooting Suspect a “Hoax”

Both men claim James von Brunn’s demise faked by “Zionist prison conspiracy”

Posted in Crime, International News, U.S. News

Police Find Papal Tackle Dummy in Home of Pope’s Assailant, Conclude Assault Was Premeditated

ROME – Italian police discovered a papal tackle dummy in the basement of the woman who leaped over a barrier inside Saint Peter’s Basilica and assaulted Pope Benedict XVI at the start of Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.  “We have

Posted in Crime, Religion

Macy’s Balloon Hoax Uncovered

NEW YORK – Federal officials say that the claim of department store behemoth Macy’s that six-year-old boys are trapped inside every one of its iconic Thanksgiving Day parade balloons is a hoax.  The publicity stunt was hatched by new Macy’s employee

Posted in Crime

Military Psychiatrist Goes On Shooting Rampage

FORT HOOD – Dr. Alfred Bellows snapped after repeatedly failing to prove that Maj. Anthony “Tony” Nelson was “up to something.”

Posted in Crime

Swiss Police Arrest Director of “Howard the Duck” on U.S. Request

ZURICH – Just hours after Swiss police arrested film director Roman Polanski on charges that he fled the U.S. after pleading guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse, they arrested director Willard Huyck on charges that he directed “Howard the Duck” in 1986, considered

Posted in Crime, Entertainment

Chris Brown Videotapes Apology to Rihanna

“Bitch better accept it, or else!” says contrite rapper

Posted in Crime, Entertainment, Pop Culture

Activists Arrested for Desecrating Sign by Carving Faces of Presidents Next to it

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Posted in Crime

Intruder Attacks, Tries to Put Red Hat on Roger Federer at French Open; College of Cardinals Are Persons of Interest

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Posted in Crime, Religion

Burger King Assassinated! Succession Crisis Looms for Burger Kingdom

BURGERLAND – Burger King, the marvelous, magical ruler of all things meat-related who could do most anything, died yesterday at the hands of a disgruntled office seeker. Witnesses reported seeing a man pushing through the crowd gathered around the King, beckoning His

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Posted in Business, Crime, International News
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