Blog Archives

CNN: Oklahoma Tornado Linked to Boston Bombings

Posted in Commentary, Fact Check, U.S. News, Weather

‘Why don’t people break chairs over each other’s heads anymore?’

Guest commentary by Noah Swayne:  This morning, I got out of bed, donned the old coonskin cap, and, as my daddy used to say, took a shower.  Then it dawned on me: why don’t people break chairs over each other’s heads anymore?  In

Posted in Commentary, Extras

No True Equality Until There are Mattress Sales on Martin Luther King Day

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham As it turns out, today isn’t so special after all. Today is Martin Luther King Day, and there are no mattress advertisements to celebrate it as there are on Presidents Day when

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Posted in Commentary

Carbolic Smoke Ball Flashback: December 6, 1941: “Nothing To Fear About the Japanese Except Fear of the Japanese Itself”

Commentary by the Hon. Rufus Peckham, Editor of Carbolic Smoke Ball - The State Department is up to its old shenanigans, concocting all manner of artifice to goad, cajole, wheedle and incite the gentle and peace-loving people of Japan into attacking

Posted in Commentary

Religious Woman: Where Have All the Shirtless Young Men Gone?

Commentary by Rosacea M. Swayne – As a deeply religious woman, I detest all the sex, sex, sex on television nowadays. You can’t turn on the “boob tube” without being inundated with sweaty naked bodies of the mixed gender variety

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Posted in Commentary

Hear Da Judge: Christmas Gift Edition

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Posted in Christmas, Commentary

Hear da Judge: Thanksgiving Edition

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Posted in Commentary

Carbolic Flashback: November 27, 1623: “The First Thanksgiving Heralds Thousands of Years of Peace and Brotherhood Between the White Man and The Indian”

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, The Honorable Winthrop Peckham Rejoice, my brothers, for the harvest is rich, and our men have labored mightily.  My lone regret is that I was unable to participate in the back-breaking labors attendant to

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Posted in Commentary, History

“Is It, Like, Any Wonder People Don’t Come Downtown Anymore, With the Veterans Day Parade Cluttering Up Our Streets?”

Commentary by Noah Swayne, Jr., Carbolic Teen Critic When I’m not knockin’ boots with the GF or waitering at BRAVO! making some serious cheddar, I’m downtown chillaxin with my boys, fo’ shiggidy my weeble!  But downtown is shitty on Veterans Day, dude.  I

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Posted in Commentary

Tips For The G-20 Summit

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Founder, the Hon. Rufus Peckham:  Many of you are heading to Pittsburgh this week to protest or otherwise celebrate the G-20 summit, which starts Thursday.  A number of you have written to ask about proper etiquette when meeting

Posted in Commentary

Commentary: The PGA Owes It to Arnold Palmer to Let Him Win One More Tournament

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Founder Rufus Peckham – Today marks the 80th birthday of golf’s greatest champion, Arnold Palmer, and every decent American should be damn mad about it.  You see, “The King” (yes, dear readers, Arnie was royalty long before Elvis, the white

Posted in Commentary

Burger King Finally Gets Tough With Infants

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham A St. Louis Burger King franchise has come under fire for enforcing its “no shoes, no service” policy against an infant. The shoeless 6-month-old was politely asked to leave due

Posted in Commentary

Guest Commentary: “My Husband Found the Missing Link, So Why Do I Have The Sneaking Suspicion He’s The One Who Lost It In The First Place?”

Guest Commentary by Rosacea Lugosi-Hurum – When I first heard that my husband, Jorn Hurum, the supposedly brilliant paleontologist, found the “missing link,” the fossil that bridges the evolutionary split between higher and lower primates, I just shook my head and sighed.  “Let me

Posted in Commentary

Carbolic Flashback: February 13, 1929: “Blessed Be The Peacemaker! I Have Arranged a St. Valentine’s Day Reconciliation Between the Capone and Moran Gangs!”

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham Tomorrow — fittingly enough, St. Valentine’s Day – at 10:30 a.m., seven members of ”Bugs” Moran’s North Side gang will meet with four members of the Al Capone gang at a garage located inside

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Posted in Archival Reports, Commentary, History

Guide for Men to Survive Valentine’s Day

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, so you know what that means. . . .  I’m glad you do, because our male readers and I don’t. Let us be candid at the outset. 

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Posted in Commentary

Tips to Get the Most Out of Trip to Washington, D.C.

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham Many of our readers are in Washington, D.C. with me for the inauguration, and as a service to them, here are my tips to help them get the most out of your trip.

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Posted in Commentary

Tattletale Mark “Deep Throat” Felt Dead at 95

Obituary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham Traitorous FBI agent W. Mark Felt, who in 2005 slithered out from the excrement of prevarication that encrusted his wretched being to reveal that he was the “Deep Throat” of Watergate

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Posted in Commentary, Obituaries

Hear da Judge: Office Party Edition

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Posted in Commentary

Carbolic Flashback: December 6, 1941: “The Only Thing We Have to Fear From the Japanese is Fear of the Japanese Itself”

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, The Honorable Rufus Peckham The State Department is up to its old shenanigans, concocting all manner of artifice to goad, cajole, wheedle and incite the gentle and peace-loving people of Japan into attacking the

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Posted in Commentary, History

Jesse Jackson’s Proposal to Cut Off Sen. Obama’s Testicles May Go Too Far

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Founder Emeritus, The Hon. Rufus Peckham The Rev. Jesse Jackson has been a titan in the American sociopolitical milieu for forty years.  Like every titan, he’s been beset with sneering, green-eyed troublemakers whose sole mission in life is to

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Posted in Commentary, Politics
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