LOUISVILLE – Over four decades after he shook up the world by converting to Islam, sixty-eight year old former heavyweight champion Muhammad Ali announced yesterday that he is changing religions – and names – once again. This time, he’s embracing Judaism.
”When you’re as great as I am, you need a faith that is just as great,” he told members of the Beth Israel Synagogue. “From this day forward, Allah and I are through. I am now a believer in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. And, I’d like to be called Irving Greenbaum. Shalom.” Then, in a shocking turn of events, Mr. Greenbaum told the congregation he had accepted his draft notice from the Israeli Army.
“I didn’t have no quarrel with them Viet Cong, but me and them Palestinians are gonna get it on,” he shouted. “If you were surprised when Nixon resigned, wait until I whup Ahmadinejad’s behind!”
Mr. Greenbaum said he looked forward to fulfilling his two year military committment, and to spending the remainder of his life behind the counter of the kosher delicatessen he plans to open when he returns.
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You eat the turkey. We’ll eat the headlines.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE STAFF OF CARBOLIC SMOKE BALL.
Pittsburgh radio icons Jim Krenn and Randy Baumann said that and more about the brand-new Carbolic Smoke Ball book, ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES, on yesterday’s WDVE Morning Show.
This Monday, the ZOMBIES rise. And walk. And make you laugh.
Carbolic Smoke Ball Presents ZOMBIES ATE MY HEADLINES
All the best headlines, highlights, and hilarity of Carbolic’s first three years. Over 300 classic items and editorials, with dozens of new features, photos, and illustrations, a foreword by radio great Randy Baumann, and an introduction by PBS filmmaking icon Rick Sebak. All assembled in the finest collection of fake news you’ll ever find. Or fear. Or laugh yourself silly over.
Available at book stores, web sites — including Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and, of course, CarbolicSmoke.com — shopping malls, urban wastelands, rural farmhouses, and well-appointed underground bunkers everywhere. November 25th.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Carbolic Smoke Ball apologizes to its readers for the erroneous headline we printed late yesterday that proclaimed former New York Governor Thomas Dewey the winner over Illinois Senator Barack Obama in the presidential election. We do not now how this occurred, given that the election does not occur until today, and that Gov. Dewey has been dead for 37 years.
When we make an error of this magnitude, we usually laugh about it, then high-five the reporter and editor who blew it. And that’s just what we’ve done.
Sen. Obama took glee in highlighting our blunder, and we don’t blame him. We figure we had it coming.
While the error was an understandable one that any newspaper could make, we nevertheless pledge to work harder to “get it right” from now on.
All the best headlines, highlights, and hilarity of Carbolic’s first three years. Over 250 classic items and editorials, with dozens of new features, photos, and illustrations, a foreword by Randy Baumann, and an introduction by Rick Sebak. All assembled in the finest fake news collection you’ll ever see. Or read. Or fear.
Coming to get you at book stores, web sites, shopping malls, rural farmhouses, and underground bunkers everywhere.