Blog Archives

Carbolic Smoke Ball Flashback: November 22, 1963: The Film Review Lee Harvey Oswald Was Writing at the Time of His Arrest

After President Kennedy was shot, his assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, was captured inside the Texas Theater in Dallas watching a motion picture called “War is Hell.”  Here is the film review Oswald was writing at the time of his capture:  ONE

Posted in Archival Reports

From the Archives of Carbolic Smoke Ball: 1189 B.C.: Armor Used in Battle of Troy Recalled after Failing Tests

CITY OF TROY – The Achaean Army High Command has recalled more than 6,000 sets of body armor currently being used by soldiers fighting the Battle of Troy after an audit revealed the armor suffers from a serious design defect.  Achaean warrior Achilles

Tagged with: , , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, History

From the Carbolic Archives, July 3, 1776: “Rejoice, For We Shall Always Be Englishmen!”

Editorial by the Hon. Josiah Peckham, Editor: Last month, Richard Henry Lee, a delegate to the Second Continental Congress from Virginia, proposed a resolution that, if passed, would dissolve the colonies’ ties with their motherland. Readers of this publication know

Tagged with: , , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, History

From the Carbolic Archives: Anniversary of John Bobbitt’s Severed Manhood

MANASSAS, VA (June 24, 1993) – Lorena Bobbitt, 24, severed the penis of her husband, John Bobbitt, 26, last night in their Manassas apartment after she said he forced her to have sex. Following the alleged rape, Mrs. Bobbitt left

Tagged with: ,
Posted in Archival Reports

Carbolic Flashback: April 9, 1876: Frontier Advocates For Mentally Ill Will Ask Crazy Horse To Change His Name

FORT AGARN – Advocates for the mentally challenged will head to the Black Hills tomorrow to try and persuade Oglala Sioux leader Crazy Horse to change his name. “In this day and age it is simply unacceptable to use terms such as ‘crazy,’” said Ms. Betty Dogooder, spokeswoman of

Posted in Archival Reports, History

Carbolic Flashback: 33 A.D. Citing Problem With Subcontractors, Jesus Seeks Extension On Three Day Rebuilding of Temple

JERUSALEM – Jesus Christ filed a petition with the city planning commission yesterday seeking an extension on his promised three day rebuilding of the Temple.  Mr. Christ, an itinerant preacher of the Gospel and founder of the Nazareth Depot, a one-stop shop for Holy Land carpenters,

Posted in Archival Reports, Religion

Carbolic Flashback: March 30, 1955 – Jay Silverheels, Worried About Typecasting, Will Leave The Lone Ranger After This Season

LOS ANGELES – Variety  is reporting that Jay Silverheels, long-time co-star of the popular Western television show “The Lone Ranger,” will leave the program after this season. According to the show-biz Bible, Mr. Silverheels is worried that audiences will forever identify

Posted in Archival Reports, Entertainment

Carbolic Flashback: November 20, 1863: Vice-President’s Obscenity Ruins Lincoln’s Address

GETTYSBURG – Vice-President Hannibal Hamlin used an obscene word yesterday in casual conversation with President Lincoln just before the Union’s chief executive was to begin delivering an address dedicating the Soldiers National Cemetery, marring an historic moment. “This is a big

Posted in Archival Reports

Carbolic Flashback: March 17, 1845: “If There’s One Thing Us Irish Can Count On, It’s the Potato”

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor Horace Peckham: Well now, I’ll begin at the beginnin’, says I, and here, on the feast to honor himself, Saint Patrick, no less. Instead of telling it to you in the Irish, as is

Tagged with: ,
Posted in Archival Reports

Carbolic Smoke Ball Flashback: October 9 1863: Lincoln Says Union Troops Coming Home in 18 Months, Win, Lose, or Draw

WEST POINT, N.Y. – Addressing the nation on the progress of the Civil War, President Lincoln apologized for the North’s “mistake” in waging war in the first place and blamed the Buchanan administration for all that’s gone wrong in the war “and

Posted in Archival Reports

Carbolic Flashback: August 1, 1969: Lawrence Welk Changes Mind, Will Play Woodstock

HOLLYWOOD – Lawrence Welk, beloved bandleader and host of a popular weekly television show on the ABC network, told representatives of the Yippie Nation that he would accept their offer to bring his “champagne music” to the so-called “Woodstock” Festival

Tagged with: , , ,
Posted in Archival Reports

Carbolic Flashback: September 2, 1939: President of Poland Calls German Invasion “Totally Uncalled For”

WARSAW – Polish President Ignacy Moscicki denounced the German invasion of his country yesterday as “totally uncalled for” and “a complete overreaction” to Nazi charges that Poland was looking at Germany funny. Mr. Moscicki vehemently denied German foreign secretary Joachim von Ribbentrop’s allegations of dirty

Tagged with: ,
Posted in Archival Reports

Carbolic Flashback: June 4, 1961: Khrushchev Lectures Kennedy on Dangers of Dance Craze Race

VIENNA – Premier Nikita Khrushchev warned President Kennedy yesterday about the dangers of starting a dance craze race between the two nuclear superpowers. “If America is the land of a thousand dances, we will be the land of ten thousand

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, History

Carbolic Flashback: February 13, 1929: “Blessed Be The Peacemaker! I Have Arranged a St. Valentine’s Day Reconciliation Between the Capone and Moran Gangs!”

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham Tomorrow — fittingly enough, St. Valentine’s Day — at 10:30 a.m., seven members of “Bugs” Moran’s North Side gang will meet with four members of the Al Capone gang at a garage located inside

Tagged with: , , , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, Commentary, History

Carbolic Flashback: February 15, 1929: Moran Gang Wiped Out By Capone Gang in St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, History

Carbolic Flashback: May 31st, 1944: FDR, Hitler Make Friendly Wager on Outcome of Normandy Invasion

WASHINGTON – Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Adolph Hitler have placed a friendly wager on the outcome of this week’s Normandy invasion, according to a press release issued by the White House yesterday. According to the release, if the Allied Expeditionary Forces prevail, the

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, History, International News, U.S. News

#2: Sarah Palin’s Baby is an Alien!

ST. PAUL – Prominent progressive blogger Markos Moulitsas today broke the shocking news that the infant son of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin does not suffer from Down syndrome but is, in fact, an alien.   In a blog post entitled,

Tagged with: ,
Posted in Archival Reports

Carbolic Flashback: Phoenicia, 731 B.C.: Community Activists Demand Incentives for Human Sacrifice Pit Proposed for Their Neighborhood

TYRE – Members of a community group from Tyre’s east end met with city officials last night to present their demands for incentives and community benefits in exchange for the new human sacrifice pit slated to be built in their neighborhood next year. The group

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, Extras

Carbolic Flashback: July 21, 1969: Michelle Obama in the News

More reaction about yesterday’s historic moon landing, where American Neil Armstrong became the first human being to walk on the surface of the moon: “No, I can’t say this makes me proud of my country.” Michelle Robinson, 5 yrs. old, Chicago

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, Extras

From the Archives of Carbolic Smoke Ball: June 4, 1961

Khrushchev Makes Indecent Proposal to Kennedy: Soviet Premier Tells U.S. Prez: “I Won’t Put Missiles in Cuba If You Let Me Sleep With Your Wife” VIENNA, Austria – Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev has reportedly offered President John F. Kennedy his

Tagged with: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Archival Reports, Extras, International News, Politics
About Carbolic
“One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” Ian Urbina, The New York Times

“Carbolic Smoke Ball's rise to greatness is a tale as old as time -- which, according to Sarah Palin, is only about 6,000 years.” Randy Baumann, WDVE-102.5, Pittsburgh

“This stuff is better than The Onion.” Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“They’re some of the world’s funniest men, and they deserve our attention.” Rick Sebak, PBS/WQED Multimedia

“One of Pittsburgh's most popular blogs, and it's gaining a growing national audience.”
Pittsburgh Magazine

“Nothing is sacred for the guys who run Carbolic Smoke Ball. Nothing.” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

How Carbolic started an urban legend. Snopes.com

The Carbolic Book Award

Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
Carbolic Wear