An Apology to Our Readers

judge-2Dear Readers:

I am sorry to report that, without my knowledge, certain members of our staff decided to play an April Fools’ Day joke on you by posting three actual wire service stories. I have just now discovered this atrocity and have ordered the posts removed.

This prank was extremely offensive, and the responsible parties have been terminated. I accept full responsibility for this inexcusable lapse in judgment.

I offer my special apologies to the fake news community for besmirching the reputation we have all worked so hard to achieve.

Sincerely,

The Hon. Rufus Peckham

Apr 1

World Leaders Meet on Economy

ObamaLONDON – World leaders arrived in London for an emergency summit Tuesday, holding scant hopes of finding a solution for the crisis that brought together.

Even as President Barack Obama and the others were arriving, the U.S. acknowledged its allies would not go along with a massive burst of stimulus spending, while Europe was forced to backpedal from hopes for tighter financial regulation.

Apr 1

Red River Recedes Below Most Sandbags in Fargo, ND

fargpFARGO, N.D. – The Red River on Tuesday dropped to a level below most of Fargo’s sandbag levees, taking some pressure off the makeshift floodwalls as engineers and National Guard troops watched for signs of leaks during a blinding snowstorm.The river fell to 37.98 feet, an important threshold because the city’s permanent levee system is built to about 38 feet in most spots, with temporary sandbags piled up to 43 feet.

Still, forecasters believe the river will eventually begin rising again after more snow begins to melt, so they do not believe the city is in the clear yet.

Apr 1

Sebelius Admits Tax Error

Sebelius HHSWASHINGTON – Health and Human Services nominee Kathleen Sebelius corrected three years of tax returns and paid more than $7,000 in back taxes after finding “unintentional errors” – the latest tax troubles for an Obama administration nominee.Sebelius said she filed the amended returns as soon as the errors were discovered.

She and her husband, Gary, a federal magistrate judge in Kansas, paid a total of $7,040 in back taxes and $878 in interest to amend returns from 2005-2007.

Apr 1