Obama, Romney Lunch Ends Badly

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama met his vanquished Republican rival Mitt Romney for what was supposed to be a friendly lunch Thursday, but it ended badly.

The meeting was held at a secret location selected by the Obama camp,  Louis’ Italian Restaurant in the Bronx, well-known as a small family place with good food and a reputation for everyone minding his business. It reportedly has the best veal in the city.

The meeting got off to a bumpy start when Obama insisted that his bodyguard, Captain McCluskey, frisk Romney. McCluskey announced “he’s clean,” and Obama kicked off the discussion.

“I’m glad you came, Mitt,” said Obama. “I hope we can straighten everything out.”

Romney stared ahead icily. “We’ll straighten everything out over lunch.”

The men ordered, and Obama turned to Capt. McCluskey. “I’m gonna speak Italian to Mitt.”  The President proceeded to speak at length in Italian, but the quizzical look on Romney’s face indicated he had no idea what Obama was saying.

After several minutes, Romney interrupted the president. “I have to go to the bathroom. Is that all right?”

Obama glanced at Capt. McCluskey, who had no problem with Romney’s request. “You gotta go, you gotta go,” McCluskey said. Romney got up and briskly walked to the men’s room.

Obama and McCluskey became concerned that Romney didn’t come out after several minutes, so they summoned secret service agents who found the former Massachusetts governor frantically searching for something behind an old-fashion’ toilet, the box and chain-kind.  They escorted Romney out of the restaurant, and the lunch meeting was officially over.

Romney returned to his California home, to his family’s surprise. He had told them he wouldn’t be returning after the lunch but would be going away to an undisclosed location in Italy for at least a year.

Posted in Extras
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