Monthly Archives: March 2012
Pope Tapped to Play John Wayne Role in ‘Chisum’ Remake
(El Bandito and Pope Benedict point guns at each other) El Bandito: Did you bring any gold, señor? Pope Benedict: Nope. El Bandito: How about silver? Did you bring any silver? Pope Benedict: Nope. (Cocks gun) Just lead. (The Pope…
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Titanic Expert Views First Complete Photo of Wreck’s Battered Stern: ‘Ship Not as Bad as We Thought, May Be Salvageable’
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Theologians: 360° Head Spin ‘Fairly Conclusive Proof’ Gingrich is Demonically Possessed
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Daylight Saving’s Shocker: Doomsday Clock Hands Accidentally Sprung Ahead One Hour, World Annihilated
CHICAGO – A janitor for the atomic scientists at the University of Chicago who maintain the Doomsday Clock, the timekeeper that warns of global annihilation when the clock strikes midnight, sprung the hands of the clock forward one hour Saturday night,…
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Shooting at Pittsburgh Clinic: Steel City Mayor Luke Ravenstahl Decries ‘Senseless Violence’
Longs for the day when “violence was sensible”
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‘Hey there, Newt, aren’t you glad I endorsed you? . . . . Oh, I was supposed to do it BEFORE the primary? Really?’
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Romney Chats It Up With Middle Class Girl: “My Granddaughter Has an Outfit Just Like That–It Cost a Lot of Money!”
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Romney Makes a Connection with Working Class Woman: “My Typical Dinner Cost a Hundred Times What This Costs!”
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In Aftermath of Killer Tornadoes, Kooks Crawl Out of the Woodwork with Stories
“The wind began to switch; the house, to pitch. And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch. Just then, the Witch, to satisfy an itch, went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.”
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Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
