Penn State’s Board of Trustees Named ‘Persons of Interest’ in Death of Joe Paterno

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) — The 31 voting members of Penn State’s Board of Truestees are persons of interest in the death of long-time PSU football coach Joe Paterno. 

Shortly before Mr. Paterno’s death this morning, sources say that several, and possibly more than twenty, PSU trustees were seen monkeying with the tubes connecting the iconic coach’s body to life saving machines.

“It wasn’t enough that they fired my husband, they had to make sure he couldn’t talk,” said a Paterno family member who asked to remain anonymous. 

Within minutes after the Paterno family announced Mr. Paterno’s death this morning, Pennsylvania’s Attorney General said the trustees were persons of interest, and issued an order to “round them up.”

Mr. Paterno was fired by the Trustees on November 9 for not reporting an alleged sexual assault to police.  Instead, Paterno reported the purported incident to his superiors, in accordance with Penn State policy. 

In a December 29 editorial, this news source explained that Mr. Paterno “has done more good for this world than any carbon-based lifeform since St. Paul.”  We also explained that “progressive hags with a ‘rape’ agenda at NOW and similar cesspools” and ”their limp-wristed male enablers . . . have manufactured a hissy fit over news that when the Great Man heard that [ex-PSU football coach]Jerry Sandusky was spotted fondling a young boy in the Penn State shower, he didn’t notify his superiors right away because he ‘didn’t want to interfere with their weekends.’” 

“You’d think Joe was an accessory to the crucifixion based on their hysterical reaction,” we wrote.  “All this gnashing of teeth because a kindly, older man was courteous enough not to ruin his superiors’ hard-earned time-off with news of gloom and doom! See, folks, what Joe did was exercise good old-fashioned ‘manners,’ something the self-satisfied bellyachers who brand him a bogeyman obviously lack.”

In any event, we concluded that ”the whole thing smacks of a frame-up.  One of Mr. Sandusky’s attorneys, Karl Rominger, said that there was a simple explanation for why Sandusky would have been in a shower with the boy that night, and it was not sexual”: he was teaching the boy how to shower!

We wrote: “Thank you, Mr. Rominger, for injecting much-needed common sense into the witch hunt!  So, sorry to burst your bubble, JoePa haters, but the boy at the center of the mess doesn’t need a rape advocate, he needs a bar of soap and someone to show him how to use it.  And when Jerry Sandusky was giving the hygiene-challenged delinquent a soap lesson in the only place where soap lessons can be given – the shower – if Jerry’s male appendage accidentally ended up in the wrong place, that’s hardly Jerry’s fault.  Those appendages have minds of their own, you know.

“In light of Mr. Rominger’s revelation, just imagine if Joe had done what his detractors insist he should have done – disrupt his superiors’ hard-earned weekend with the following earth-shattering newsflash: ‘A boy doesn’t know how to get clean!’  Joe’s superiors would have smirked at Joe and said, ‘him and 100 million other boys!’

“And they’d have been right.”

And now, the Trustees will pay the price for killing college football’s all-time best coach.

We hope all 31 get the death penalty.

Jan 22