Airline Charges Newt Gingrich an Extra $27,000: He Has Too Much Baggage

Jan 31

Carnival Cruise Lines Scraps Ad Campaign Touting ‘Our Captains Don’t Abandon Ship’

NEW YORK – Carnival Cruise Lines is pulling one of its most popular television ad campaigns – the one where happy crew members raise their fists and shout, ”Our captains don’t abandon ship!” – in the wake of reports that Carnival’s Captain Francesco Schettino fled the sinking Costa Concordia while 300 passengers were still on board.

“It’s a shame, because we thought it was our best ad ever,” a Carnival spokeswoman said. “We might be able to salvage it by changing the text to read, ‘Our captains don’t abandon ship, or if they do, they’ll be forced back aboard by the Coast Guard.’  As far as we’ve been able to determine, that statement is true, as of this morning.”

Jan 30

‘No, Herman, I’m serious–I wish you’d have brought me a pizza instead of your worthless endorsement’

Jan 29

Gov. Jan Brewer Meets Obama at Airport, Comes Prepared With Sign in Case She Doesn’t Recognize Him

Jan 27

Hillary to Step Down From ‘Grueling World Stage,’ Says She Hasn’t Gotten Over Landing in Bosnia Under Sniper Fire in 1996

Jan 27

Santorum Orders Wife To Be Stoned For Six-Year Relationship With Abortion Clinic Doctor

Jan 26

Scenes From the State of the Union Address

‘Let me get a good look at you, President Roosevelt!’

Jan 25

“Look!  It’s President Obama!”

Jan 25

“Next time, ask for permission before you touch a white person.”

Jan 25

President Obama Breaks the News to Rep. Gabrielle Giffords That She Was Shot Last Year

Jan 24

Surprise Oscar Nominee: Director of Viral Internet Video Showing Assault of Passed-Out LSU Fan

 

 

Jan 24

Biden Booted From Presidential Ticket, Obama Taps Geek From ‘Moneyball’ To Be VP

Jan 24

Gingrich Emboldened by Big Win in South Carolina

“Her – the woman in the second row — that’s who I want. And I promise, sweetie, if this open marriage idea doesn’t work out, we’ll go back to normal.”

Jan 23

Penn State’s Board of Trustees Named ‘Persons of Interest’ in Death of Joe Paterno

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) — The 31 voting members of Penn State’s Board of Truestees are persons of interest in the death of long-time PSU football coach Joe Paterno. 

Shortly before Mr. Paterno’s death this morning, sources say that several, and possibly more than twenty, PSU trustees were seen monkeying with the tubes connecting the iconic coach’s body to life saving machines.

“It wasn’t enough that they fired my husband, they had to make sure he couldn’t talk,” said a Paterno family member who asked to remain anonymous. 

Read more

Jan 22

Seconds Later, Gingrich Flipped Santorum Over His Shoulder

Romney had been tipped off.

Jan 20

Gingrich’s Ex-Wife Says He Wanted Open Marriage, Bill Clinton Endorses Gingrich for President

Jan 19

Newt Gingrich: ‘Nothing Instills Work Ethic in Kids Better Than A Good-Old Fashioned Fear of Cave-Ins, Suffocation in a Deep Coal Seam’

Jan 19

“I Asked Amy to Name the Biggest Problem the World Faces, and She Said, ‘The Jews’”

OP-ED BY FORMER PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER - Some of my Jewish detractors recently made the astounding claim I’m anti-Semitic. I asked my friends in the Muslim Brotherhood, Hamas, and various Palestinian Islamic Jihad terror groups what they thought of that preposterous assertion, and we all agree it’s a typical Jewish lie.

I had a discussion with my daughter, Amy, the other day, and I asked her to name the biggest problem the world faces. Without any hesitation, she said, “the Jews.”

I am sure President Obama agrees with Amy. If you disagree with President Obama on this issue or any other issue, you are a racist.

I once angered the Israeli people when I compared Israel with South Africa during that nation’s Apartheid policy.  Today, I’m about to anger them even more, because I am calling on the nations of the world to deal with the Jewish problem once and for all. We must enact strong anti-Jewish legislation, implement economic boycotts against Jewish businesses, and stage Kristallnacht pogroms. All of these measures would be aimed toward systematically isolating Jews from our society and driving them far away.  I am asking President Obama to back this plan, and if he does so, I am sure the Jews who run Hollywood will also back it.

If those measures don’t work, I will write another op-ed to explain what must be done.

Jan 18

‘Who Among Us Hasn’t Urinated on Someone At One Time Or Another?’

Op-Ed by Texas Governor Rick Perry – The video of four marines peeing on Taliban corpses should instill pride in all Americans. I, for one, am delighted to proclaim that our boys have the finest bladders in all the world, but when you got to go, you got to go. 

Who amongst us hasn’t peed on a neighbor, a classmate, or the elderly from time to time? It’s fun, and it makes for damn good target practice. All you moms know how hard it is to clean up after our sons in the bathroom. My guess is that after a couple tours of duty in the Mid-East, our boys will be able to thread a needle, so to speak, at the urinal.

Now, I was a little disappointed in the size of their dicks, but that’s a whole other op-ed.

Jan 17

Ship Mysteriously Appears in Gobi Desert: UFO Experts Rule Out Extraterrestrials, Suspect Costa Concordia Captain Schettino

Jan 17

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