Monthly Archives: December 2011
Hugo Chávez, Tapped to Play Curly in Farrelly Brothers’ ‘Three Stooges,’ Calls Moe an ‘Imperialist Swine’
Joe Paterno: Incapable of Doing Wrong
Commentary by the Hon. Rufus Peckham, Editor of Carbolic Smoke Ball – Joseph Vincent Paterno, the iconic face of Penn State football for five decades who has done more good for this world than any carbon-based lifeform since St. Paul, has fallen victim to a good old fashioned PC…
Man Threatens to Jump From Ledge
VATICAN CITY – A man brought a section of Rome to a halt Sunday when he threatened to jump off a ledge in the Vatican. Police are not identifying the man, but witnesses say he wore a white skullcap, ornate…
Santa Claus Seriously Injured in Electric Razor Accident; Mobile Norelco was Traveling Too Fast for Conditions
NORTH POLE – Santa Claus, jolly head of an Upper-Arctic toy and novelty empire, was seriously injured yesterday when the Norelco Razor he was riding collided with a pine tree. Police said the force of the collision threw Mr. Claus…
Alvin Found Dead in London Hotel Room, Chipmunks Cancel Remainder of European Tour
LONDON – Alvin, the so-called “cute” Chipmunk, was found dead in his London hotel room this morning following a night of debauchery with his German girlfriend. According to toxicology reports released by Alvin’s personal veterinarian, the singing rodent died in…
Parson Brown Sues Couple for Identity Theft
The Parson’s complaint claims that in the meadow the defendants built a snowman and pretended it was him.
Home Invaders Demand Figgy Pudding, Won’t Go Until They Get Some, Won’t Go Until They Get Some
Santa to Decide After Christmas if He’s Coming Back Next Year
At most, veteran toy giver would sign one-year deal
ACLU Obtains Injunction to Stop Linus From Reciting Scripture in School Auditorium
FBI: Boy Who Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus Has Been Shaking the Old Woman Down Since 1952
Mother paid son millions in hush money because he repeatedly sang, “Oh, what a laugh it would have been, if Daddy had only seen, Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night”
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
