Monthly Archives: August 2011

Bachmann Reads Statement From God Lowering America’s Rating From AAA to AA+

WASHINGTON – In a hastily staged press conference last night, Rep. Michelle Bachmann (Minn.) breathlessly read a lengthy statement she said she had received from God. “The Creator wants me to read this document verbatim,” she explained.  The document was

Posted in Extras

Lyrics to ‘Goodnight Irene’ Eerily Predicted Hurricane

The American folk standard “Goodnight Irene,” written in 1908, is the number one Google search today, because the lyrics to the second verse seem to eerily predict Hurricane Irene’s arrival in Manhattan–103 years before it happened.

Posted in Extras

Washington Monument Cracked By Earthquake: Obama Calls for All Cracks in National Monuments To Be Fixed

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Rep. Barney Frank Reacted to Earthquake Minutes Before It Began

WASHINGTON – Ten minutes before Tuesday’s east coast earthquake, Rep. Barney Frank (D. Mass) engaged in conduct indicating he could sense it was coming. Witnesses say Frank fell to the floor of the House chamber and began writhing around in distress. Then,

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5.8 Kardashian Orgasm Felt as Far North as New York City

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Biden Vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard’s Less Posh Sister Island, Marvin’s Vineyard

Posted in U.S. News

Obama’s Vacation: Mayor Larry Vaughn Warns Prez Not to Panic the Public–‘And Those Beaches Will Be Open This Weekend’

MARTHA’S VINEYARD – President Obama interrupted his vacation to seek advice from the longtime mayor of this posh seaside resort, Larry Vaughn. Speaking in metaphors, Vaughn emphatically told Obama not to panic the populace about the economy.  “It’s all psychological,” Vaughn explained. “You

Posted in Extras

Gideons Break Into Hotels, Take Back Bibles

NEW YORK – Hundreds of members of the Gideons International broke into hotel rooms across America last night and took back the Bibles their organization donated. “People aren’t reading them, and we want them back,” one burglar said. Police say

Posted in Extras

Local man: ‘The Only Time I Feel Alive is When I’m Wearing My Collar Bomb’

PITTSBURGH – Local bon vivant Noah Swayne of Bethel Park revealed that he “doesn’t feel alive” unless his triple-banded metal collar bomb is securely locked around his neck. “First thing I do when I come home from work is slap

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Local Family Gives Bachmann Bus So She Can Travel Like Obama, Only Condition Is That She Sing and Play Guitar

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Obama Hints That His Plan to Boost Economy Includes Brisk Walks After Dinner, Less Fried Foods

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Muscular Dystrophy Association Hires Chuck Lorre to Kill Off Jerry Lewis from Telethon

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NOW Bemoans Gender Double Standard: ‘Female Politicians Who Are Flakes Have to Work Twice as Hard as Male Politicians’

WASHINGTON – Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women, labeled Newsweek Magazine’s cover story on Rep. Michelle Bachmann “sexist” because, she said, it casts Bachmann as a “nut job.” “The ‘Queen of Rage’ is something you apply to cable TV wrestlers or somebody who

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Flashback: 43 Years Ago Today, Nixon Hypnotized GOP Convention to Win Nomination

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Pittsburgh Hopes New Sign Spurs Image Change, More Films

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On 37th Anniversary of Resignation, Hundreds Report Nixon Sightings

Witnesses say late president back to save nation

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Standard & Poor’s Downgrades Rating for Famous Original Ray’s Pizza to 3½ Stars

Venerable pizza house can regain its flawless four star standing in nine to 18 years, but must make crust crispier, warned S&P Managing Editor John Chambers.

Posted in Extras

Dept. of Labor: The Only Economic Sector to See Jobs Growth in July Was the Ghost Hunting TV Show Sector, Which Added 47,000 Jobs for Specters

WASHINGTON – The Labor Department’s jobs report was better than expected, showing that television cable networks added 47,000 jobs for spiritual entities and demons last month. Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis said the boom in ghost hunting shows boosted the entire economy. That didn’t

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Tiger Woods Insists New Habit of Exclaiming ‘Sure and Begorrah’ Isn’t Emulation of Rory McIlroy

“I’m banjaxed and knackered over these claims,” Woods told a reporter in a heavy Irish brogue. “I  just like the sound of the phrase, me lad.”

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Coroner Rules Stockbroker’s Death by Plunging Out a Window a ‘Routine Market Correction’

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About Carbolic
“One of America’s great web sites.” Brian O'Neill, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“The city’s equivalent of The Onion.” Ian Urbina, The New York Times

“Carbolic Smoke Ball's rise to greatness is a tale as old as time -- which, according to Sarah Palin, is only about 6,000 years.” Randy Baumann, WDVE-102.5, Pittsburgh

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“One of Pittsburgh's most popular blogs, and it's gaining a growing national audience.”
Pittsburgh Magazine

“Nothing is sacred for the guys who run Carbolic Smoke Ball. Nothing.” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

How Carbolic started an urban legend.

The Carbolic Book Award

Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
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