Blagojevich Convicted on Charges of Corruption, Poofy Hair

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Jun 27

Phyllis Schlafly Comes Out as an Illegal Immigrant

Phyllis+Schlafly+Family+Research+Council+Hosts+czPeMRwiR-VlPhyllis Schlafly, a leader of the American conservative movement for the better part of five decades, came out as an undocumented immigrant in a New York Times Magazine article today.

The lengthy piece details Schlafly’s secret life, which she has lived as an unabashed booster of traditional American values. Schlafly reveals that she came to America as a teenager by hiding under a load of bananas on a merchant ship from Honduras.

The conservative icon said it “felt good” to unburden herself after being in denial about her illegal status all these years. “I would listen to the debates about how to handle illegal immigrants, and I would would tell myself, ‘they’re not talking about me.’ Now I realize, they were.”

Schlafly said she is turning herself into immigration authorities this afternoon “to be jailed, in accordance with the law of the land.” She added that when she is sentenced, she hopes she doesn’t get an “activist” judge. ”I want a strict constructionist who will throw the book at me.”

Jun 22

Bin Laden Computer Files Siezed by SEALs Reveal that Weiner Tweeted Sexy Photos to 9/11 Mastermind

anthony-weiner-6WASHINGTON – U.S. officials decrypting computer files captured by Navy SEALs in the raid that killed Osama bin Laden said that over a period of seven months, Rep. Anthony Weiner tweeted bin Laden sexually suggestive shirtless photos.

Weiner admitted he sent the photos. “If you’re looking for some kind of deep explanation, I simply don’t have one,” Weiner said at a press conference this afternoon. “This was just me doing a dumb thing, and then lying about it.”

Jun 13