Pharaoh Summons Charlton Heston Back To Egypt To Quell Unrest

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Jan 30

Boehner Reveals What Biden Whispered to Him During State of the Union

biden_boehner2“Nancy, whatever it is you’re doing to yourself, keep it up. You look great!”

Jan 28

Chicago High Court Orders Rahm Emanuel Back on Ballot

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Jan 28

Biden’s ‘Laugh Intern’ Repeatedly Gave the VP Wrong Cues Throughout the State of the Union Address

Stateofunion6-1Vice President guffaws at President’s call for investment in biomedical research.

Jan 26

Exercise ‘Guru’ Jack LaLanne is Dead at 96: Much Good Did Healthy Living Do Him!

pk_lalanne-dog_hoCommentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor Rufus Peckham:  This past Monday, American fitness “guru” Jack LaLanne succumbed to — guess what? — pneumonia.  Dead at 96.

I hate to be the guy who says, “I told you so!” but, I told you so!  Much good did all that weight training and muscle fatigue do Jack LaLanne!

Mr. LaLanne, I am told, never snacked, and his strange daily diet consisted of hard-boiled egg whites, a cup of broth, oatmeal with soy milk, seasonal fruit, and raw vegetables.

Sorry, but that’s just sick.

Mr. LaLanne often said, “I can’t die, it would ruin my image.”  Well, guess what, Jack (or should I say, ”deceased Jack”?), the image is gone, shot to hell. You blew it, baby!  Blew it!  

All that healthy living, and look where it got you?  Dead at 96.

Utterly pathetic.

Jan 25

Roethlisberger Accusers Spotted Exiting Bar After Steelers Win Over Jets

“They looked really pissed,” said unnamed source.

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Jan 23

50 Years Ago: Only One Guest Owned His Own Top Hat For JFK’s Inauguration

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Jan 20

Obama: Civil Discourse Requires Scrapping Expression ‘I Need That Like I Need A Hole In The Head’

obama-smokingArizona rampage mandates change in every aspect of our lives, Prez says

Jan 20

Paramount: Loughner ‘Out’ As Uncle Fester in ‘Addams’ Remake

article-1346191-0CB6751A000005DC-2_233x353-198x300HOLLYWOOD – Paramount Pictures gave Jared Loughner the heave-ho today and told him he won’t be playing Uncle Fester in the upcoming Addams Family remake.

“We decided that with Jared’s shooting rampage last Saturday, he brings too much baggage to the role,” said Paramount President Bradleys Roadhouse.

The big budget remake, which starts filming next week, stars Geraldo Rivera as Gomez and Uma Thurman as Morticia. Controversial Irish singer Sinéad O’Connor is considered the favorite to replace Loughner.

Jan 13

Poll: Who Is Responsible For Jared Loughner’s Shooting Rampage?

USA ARIZONA SHOOTING1.  Sarah Palin – 43%

2.  Tea Party – 34%

3. Jared Loughner’s favorite video “Bodies” by Drowning Pool -21%

4.  Jared Loughner – 2%

Jan 11

Keith Olbermann Connects Arizona Violence to Moe Howard

photoMoeHowardNEW YORK – In the wake of the Tucson, Arizona shooting that left 19 dead or wounded, political pundit Keith Olbermann called on Moe Howard, leader of the American comedy troupe The Three Stooges, to “repudiate his part in amplifying violence and violent imagery in the public discourse.”

Mr. Olbermann noted “the eye gouging, the slapping, the pie throwing — every aspect of [Moe Howard's] public behavior must change, and if it doesn’t, his audience needs to stop laughing at his zany antics.”

Mr. Olbermann also singled out right wing Fox News personalities Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck for fomenting violence, noting that ”the next chance I get, I’m going to tear those sons of bitches limb from limb.”

Jan 10

House Dems Find GOP Reading of Constitution A Jarring Experience

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Jan 8

Boehner, Pelosi Engage in Friendly Game of Whac-A-Mole

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Jan 6

Tippi Hedren Named A Person Of Interest in Mass Bird Deaths

BirdsHOLLYWOOD – American actress Tippi Hedren will be formally questioned by authorities investigating the mass bird deaths in Arkansas, Louisiana, and Sweden.

Ms. Hedren “has an ax to grind” with birds ever since she was subjected to a series of avian attacks in Bodega Bay, California in 1963, police say. 

Film director Alfred Hitchcock is expected to make a cameo appearance at the police station.

Jan 5

Christian Group Cites Proof That World Will End Soon

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Jan 3