Monthly Archives: December 2010
FDA Orders Massive Recall of Mistletoe Due To E. Coli Contamination
WASHINGTON — The FDA has ordered a massive recall of mistletoe from store shelves and is urging consumers to remove the holiday aphrodisiac from doorways and other suspended locations until further notice. The agency determined that spores from mistletoe can…
Saint Paul’s Newly Discovered Letter to Thessalonians Urges Brethren to Keep Christ Out of Christmas
THESSALONIA, Ohio – Theologians are calling Saint Paul’s third letter to the Thessalonians, lost in the mail for 2,000 years because of insufficient postage, but finally delivered and opened last night, a “bombshell” because it urges that Christ be kept…
War Hero’s Holiday Shopping Ruined By Reports of His Father’s Gangland Slaying, Fiance’s Failure to Obtain Gift Vouchers
‘Kid’ From ‘Christmas Story’ Returns Home, Sues Father for Giving Him Genuine Red Ryder 200 Shot Carbine Action Air Rifle
He shot his eye out
Barbara Walters Accidentally Names Local Plumber One of ‘Ten Most Fascinating People’ of 2010
NEW YORK – Barbara Walters profiled her picks for the ten most fascinating people of 2010 last night, and there was a surprise in the line-up. Noah Swayne, a Johnstown, Pennsylvania plumber who only twice in his life strayed more…
Goodell: Betting Slips Prove God Bet on Steelers
Besieged Creator Expected to Agree to Lifetime Ban From Football NEW YORK – A blue ribbon panel appointed by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has “conclusive proof” that God bet on the Pittsburgh Steelers to beat the Buffalo Bills last Sunday. The Steelers chalked…
Tourist Finds $100 on Historic Rosa Parks Bus, Ms. Parks Claims It’s Hers
DEARBORN, Mich. – Carol Murray of Pittsburgh found a $100 bill lying on the floor of the bus on which Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white passenger in 1955. Ms. Murray turned the bill over to a…
Zombies Ate My Headlines won a Gold Medal at the 2009 Independent Publisher Awards as the Best Humor Book of the Year. And we didn't even have to bribe the selection committee.
