TRANSYLVANIA – Count Dracula, the 435-year-old Transylvanian nobleman and vampire, has filed a class action suit against seven manufacturers of wooden stakes, alleging that the product they put into the stream of commerce ”is inherently defective and has proximately caused serious personal injury to similarly situated…

Commentary by Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor, the Honorable Rufus Peckham – It’s Halloween week, and thousands of you have written to ask me to run my annual list of safety tips for trick or treating.  Here it is:  Tip #1:…

PITTSBURGH – Local beggar Carol Murray, who works the corner of 7th and Grant Street downtown, is raking in the dough – because she takes credit cards. “When someone says they don’t have any change, I tell them ‘not a…

WASHINGTON – Sodium thiopental, a drug used in lethal injections for executions, has been recalled by the Food and Drug Administration following reports of “serious adverse events in condemned prisoners taking this product.”

TAMPA – Jennifer Mee, the “hiccup girl” from Tampa whose nonstop hiccups, up to 50 times a minute for six weeks, caught the attention of the nation, says that the only thing that cured her hiccups was the murder she…

WASHINGTON – Archbishop Donald Wuerl of Washington was named a cardinal by Pope Benedict XVI yesterday, but insiders say Wuerl isn’t in the mood to celebrate.  “The Archbishop is pissed that his pay grade won’t change,” said Diocesan spokesman Father Bradleys…

Commentary By Noah Swayne, International Bon Vivant:  I am going to assert something that every rational person has thought about but that most are afraid to come out and say: males and females need SEPARATE restrooms in public places. Every…

          SAN JOSÉ MINE, Chile — The 33 miners who were trapped for 69 days have “gone Hollywood,” disgusted sources reveal.  “They’re acting like movie stars, full of themselves,” said one insider.  ”They’re always wearing the sunglasses, even indoors, and they’ve taken…

WASHINGTON – People who call others every name in the book will need to add four more. The Department of Health and Human Services said the following names would be added, effective December 1: Jeremiah, Amber, Chad, and Zachary. The names will become the…

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Biff Tannen, the self-described bully of Hill Valley, California, was escorted out of a Senate subcommittee hearing in handcuffs yesterday, halfway through his testimony in opposition to Sen. Frank Lautenberg’s proposed anti-bullying law. Mr. Tannen and Sen. Lautenberg had tangled throughout Tannen’s testimony, with Tannen…

But when she described her family, the Delaware Senate nominee accidentally called Darrin, her son-in-law, “Derwood.”