Jerry Lewis Still Doing Telethon – Because No One Has the Heart to Tell Him Muscular Dystrophy Was Cured 15 Years Ago

LAS VEGAS – Comic legend Jerry Lewis, 84, finished his annual Labor Day telethon to benefit Muscular Dystrophy — because no one has the heart to tell him the dreaded disease was cured fifteen years ago.

Lewis thinks his annual telethon raises tens of millions of dollars every year for the Muscular Dystrophy Association when, in fact, there are no pledges, no Muscular Dystrophy Association, no efforts to find a cure.  It’s all a charade to make Jerry think he’s doing something good.

“We tried to tell him about the cure back in ’93, but it didn’t sink in,” said Noah Swayne, Chairman of the defunct Muscular Dystrophy Association.  ”I kept repeating it over and over; I even shook him by the shoulders, but all I got was a blank stare.  The doctors decided never to bring it up again because they thought it might kill him.”  Swayne shakes his head sadly.  “This entire Telethon is a fantasy to make a wonderful man happy.  He thinks he’s helping people, and that’s not so bad, is it?”

Mr. Lewis briefly spoke with reporters.  “Where’s Ed?” Lewis screamed, referring to his late sidekick, Ed McMahon, who died last year.

Sep 7