Monthly Archives: September 2010

Fisher-Price Recalls 10 Million Toys Following Complaints They Are ‘Not Particularly Fun’

WASHINGTON — Toy manufacturer Fisher-Price announced Thursday that it has recalled about 10 million toys because they are dull and not particularly fun. Among products recalled were small cylindrical figures with round heads that are supposed to represent humans even

Posted in Extras

VP Biden Tries To Talk Would-Be Jumper Out Of Whining About Obama

NEW YORK – Vice President Biden was summoned to the George Washington Bridge yesterday afternoon to try to talk Noah Swayne, 33, who was perched high above the Hudson River preparing to jump, out of whining about President Obama. Swayne,

Posted in Extras

‘Curse of Titanic’ Claims Another Victim: 114-Year-Old Rose DeWitt Bukator

NEW YORK – Rose DeWitt Bukator, believed to be one of the last two survivors from the sinking of the Titanicin 1912, has died in New York at age 114. The last English survivor, Lillian Gertrud Asplund, died in London last year at

Posted in Extras

Supreme Court Holds Riot Act Unconstitutional, Can’t Be Read To Anyone Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled that the Riot Act  is unconstitutional and can’t be read to anyone again. Family law experts said the ruling will strip parents of one of their most important disciplinary weapons. In

Posted in Extras

Ahmadinejad Reveals ‘Smoking Gun’ Photo To Prove U.S. Involvement in 9/11

Posted in Extras

Tom Robinson’s Widow Sues Atticus Finch For Botching Trial

MAYCOMB COUNTY, Ala. – Helen Robinson has filed a malpractice suit against legal crusader Atticus Finch in connection with Mr. Finch’s unsuccessful defense of her late husband, Tom Robinson, on a bogus rape charge lodged by local prevaricator Mayella Ewell. “I’m suing his ass,” Mrs. Robinson

Posted in Extras

Obama’s One Man Show ‘Satchmo’ Headed For Broadway

Posted in Extras

The 4,000 Jews Who Failed To Show Up For Work at World Trade Center on 9/11 Believed To Be With Trapped Chilean Miners

Posted in Extras

Man Says 13,000-Year-Old Tools Unearthed in His Backyard Are The Only Ones That Can Fix His Ford Pinto

DENVER – Landscapers digging a hole for a fish pond in Noah Swayne’s back yard last week heard a “chink” that turned out to be a cache of 13,000-year-old tools buried by ancient ice age hunter-gatherers. Swayne immediately grabbed a few

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Posted in Science

Sotheby’s Auctions Off Christie’s As Nasty Prank

Posted in Extras

Pittsburgh Pizza Shop Owner Releases “Gut-Wrenching” Tapes of September 11 Telephone Orders

PITTSBURGH – Ron Jones, owner of Ron’s Pizza in Pittsburgh, announced today that he is making public “gut wrenching” tape recordings of telephone orders placed to his pizza shop on September 11, 2001.  None of the callers lived in New York

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Posted in U.S. News

Iran signs Randy Johnson for Stoning of Female Adulterer

Former MLB Fireballer promises to thow rocks in excess of 100 mph

Posted in Extras

Quran Burning Pastor Named Spokesman For Kingford® Charcoal Lighter Fluid

GAINESVILLE, Fla. – Florida pastor Terry Jones, set to burn Islam’s holy book on the anniversary of the September 11, 2001, attacks, has been named spokesman for Kingford® Charcoal Lighter Fluid.  Kingford® chairman Bradleys Roadhouse said that “nobody in recent times has

Posted in Extras

Flashback: 2005: Jerry Lewis Accuses Ten-Year-Old Katrina and Muscular Dystrophy Victim of ‘Telethon Double-Dipping’

Lewis: “I’m ashamed that Joey is crippled” NEW ORLEANS – When ten-year old muscular dystrophy victim Joey Smith was stranded with thousands of other New Orleans refugees in the Superdome last week in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, his wheelchair-bound

Posted in Extras

Jerry Lewis Telethon Sets Record: 512 Maudlin Moments

Jerry Lewis and the corpse of Ed McMahon celebrate the new record.

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Posted in Entertainment, Extras, Health

Jerry Lewis Still Doing Telethon – Because No One Has the Heart to Tell Him Muscular Dystrophy Was Cured 15 Years Ago

LAS VEGAS – Comic legend Jerry Lewis, 84, finished his annual Labor Day telethon to benefit Muscular Dystrophy — because no one has the heart to tell him the dreaded disease was cured fifteen years ago. Lewis thinks his annual telethon raises

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Posted in Entertainment, Health

Honesty No Longer Best Policy

Honor goes to Purell instant hand sanitizer

Posted in Extras

Obama Approval Rating Dips: 48 Percent of Voters ‘Sick and Tired’ That He’s Black

Posted in Extras

Former Pres. Bush Gets Ready To Watch Obama’s Speech on End of Iraq War

Posted in Extras
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How Carbolic started an urban legend.

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