GREENWICH - Lebron James ended months of speculation last night when he announced during an ESPN special broadcast that he is leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers and entering the seminary.
Mr. James said he received a vocational calling from the Holy Spirit during Game Six of his teams NBA playoff game this past season.
According to Mr. James, the Holy Spirit was sitting court side, and spent the entire contest heckling him about joining the priesthood. “Now, I can finally reveal why I performed so poorly during the climactic Game Seven contest. I was torn between my desire to serve the one true Holy Roman Catholic church, and my goal of winning a championship for my home town. Something had to give. In the end, it was basketball.”
Mr. James is expected to enter St. Fidelis seminary in Butler, Pennsylvania.
He described his decision as prayerful, time-consuming, and final, and praised Pope Benedict for getting the deal done. “I really want to thank the Holy Father for freeing up the cap space that allows me to join this organization.”
To make room for Father LeBron, the Vatican announced that it will place an unspecified number of clergy on waivers. According to the rules of the current Christianity Bargaining Agreement, after forty-eight hours they are free to sign with any other denomination.
A Papal spokesman said the cuts were difficult, but necessary. “Any time you get the opportunity to add a Lebron James to your team, you’ve got to make the most of it,” said Father Joe Dunn. “He’s a once in a generation vicar of Christ on Earth.”