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WASHINGTON – The White House revealed that Elena Kagan, nominated on Monday to fill Justice John Paul Stevens’ seat on the Supreme Court, has been in the Federal Witness Protection Program, WITSEC, for the past two decades and only acquired her current name and identity four months ago.
President Obama on Monday told reporters that Kagan serves as Solicitor General, but administration officials wishing to remain anonymous say they have never heard of her.
One high-ranking official candidly noted that Kagan had plastic surgery in February of this year to alter her appearance, and that she formerly bore “a striking resemblance” to country queen Taylor Swift.
In introducing Kagan to the nation on Monday, President Obama stated that she “has devoted her life to the cause of justice, to the extent we are aware.”
He noted that Kagan is “the perfect nominee because she brings no ideological baggage to the [Senate confirmation] hearing, and in fact nobody knows the first thing whatsoever about her. Including me.”
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