Judiciary Committee Chairman: “I Wanted A Better Looking Nominee”

Patrick-LeahyWASHINGTON, D.C. – Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vt), chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, stunned colleagues yesterday when he admitted that he found Elena Kagan, President Obama’s choice to fill a vacancy on the United States Supreme Court, deficient in a crucial area.

“She’s not too easy on the eyes,” he told reporters assembled outside of his office.

“Depending on the length of these confirmation hearings, I might have to look at her for quite some time.  I don’t mind telling you: I was hoping for a better looking nominee.”

Senator Leahy’s remarks were echoed by the ranking Republican on the committee, Senator Jeff Sessions (Alabama).

“This is going to be a difficult process, and while my colleagues and I intend to give Ms. Kagan a full and fair hearing before casting our votes, the prospect of turning to stone if I look directly into her eyes fills me with dread.”

Late yesterday, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs issued a statement criticizing the Senators for what he called intemperate comments.

“The President is fully aware of the nominees homeliness, and he has asked me to assure the members of the Judiciary Committee and the American people that our staff are taking the necessary steps to provide Ms. Kagan with a complete personal makeover prior to her arrival on Capitol Hill. 

“At the moment, she may be known as Solicitor General Shipwreck, but by the time these hearings conclude, she will be known as Associate Justice Dreamboat.”

May 11