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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Democratic Congressional leaders admitted for the first time that they are ”extremely pessimistic” about the reelection prospects of most House members who voted in favor of health care reform last night. The leaders have retained high-powered attorney Tom Hagen to advise pro-health care reform representatives about what they should do now, in light of their dismal political futures. Carbolic Smoke Ball has obtained a transcript of one of those counseling sessions:
CONGRESSMAN: Tom, what do I do now?
TOM HAGEN: I know you were always interested in history. Take the Roman Empire, for example. When a plot against the Emperor failed, the plotters were always given a chance to let their families keep their fortunes.
CONGRESSMAN: They went home and sat in a hot bath and opened their veins, and bled to death. Sometimes they gave a little party before they did it.
TOM HAGEN: (Shakes his hand) Don’t worry about anything.
CONGRESSMAN: (Gives a knowing nod) Thanks, Tom.
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