Disturbing YouTube Video Shows International Olympic Committee Terrorizing Homeless Man With Olympic Torch

IOCTorchNEW YORK – The International Olympic Committee is being questioned in connection with a barbaric three-minute video that appeared on YouTube over the weekend showing more than three dozen Olympic Committee members taunting and terrorizing a homeless man with the iconic Olympic Torch.

A spokesman for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said the incident, which occurred in Vancouver last week, was “an animalistic assault that was made all the more vicious because one of the [Olympic Committee members] videotaped it for sport.”  Throughout the ordeal, the homeless man was visibly distressed and pleaded with his attackers to stop.

The RCMP is searching for the man to insure he is not injured.  “We believe he suffers from a mental disorder,” said RCMP spokesman Noah Swayne.  “So we suspect he’ll try to run for Parliament.”

Feb 12

Iran Joins Ranks of World Powers: New TV Ad Features Cartoon Ayatollah Khomeini Selling Mattresses to Celebrate Anniversary of Revolution

Ayaemhbmo8bnyk0nbkm“We’re slashing prices the way I’d like to slash the throat of Salmon Rushdie.”

Feb 12

Obama Unveils More Sophisticated Rival to Tea Party Movement: ‘The Long Island Iced Tea Party Movement’

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Feb 11

Mrs. Obama’s War On Obese Children To “Make Example” of Spanky McFarland

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Beloved “Little Rascals” star shipped to Gitmo for waterboarding, sweat lodge ceremony

Feb 10

Close-Up Reveals Palin Wrote Note to Remind Her to Tell Joke

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Feb 10

Let the Good Times Roll! New Orleans’ Mayor Nagin Opens Levees in Honor of Super Saints!

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Feb 8

Leno Makes Surprise Cameos in Super Bowl Ads with Letterman, Pam Tebow

superbowl“Everywhere I look, there’s that jerk,” said Conan O’Brien.

Feb 7

Flashback: Frank Lloyd Wright’s Precursor to ‘Fallingwater’ – A House Built Atop A Mine Fire With Flames Shooting From It

carbolic_fallingwater_fireWright decided fire “wasn’t the way to go” when his creation burned to a crisp less than an hour after it was built.  “Maybe water will work better.”

PITTSBURGH – It is the stuff of legend how acclaimed architect Frank Lloyd Wright jump-started his moribund career in the mid-1930s by designing a house perched over a Western Pennsylvania waterfall. Fallingwater remains one of the most celebrated private residences in the world.

Not so well known is the precursor to Fallingwater that Wright designed the previous year: a house built directly atop an underground coal mine fire.

“Mr. Wright thought that having a perpetual smoldering effect would give the residence a measure of warmth,” explained Wright scholar Professor Franklin Toker.

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Feb 5

Domino’s Pizza Buys Up Toyotas With Sticking Accelerators to Speed Deliveries

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Feb 4

Obama Proposes Bailout for Las Vegas to Cure Recession That Started When He Told People Not To Go There

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Feb 4

White House Installs ‘Apology Hotline’ to Special Olympics Chair Tim Shriver

batphone_1Rahm Emanuel uses hotline after “f***ing retarded” comment; President Obama used it last year after comparing his bowling to the Special Olympics.

Feb 3

Punxsutawney Phil Accused of Covering Up Emails Proving Early Spring On The Way

PhilPUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. – Punxsutawney Phil, beloved groundhog weather prognosticator, was accused of scientific misconduct for allegedly covering up thousands of emails containing information proving that an early spring is on the way. 

This morning, Phil emerged from his den at Gobbler’s Knob, two miles outside of Punxsutawney, and reported that he saw his shadow, meaning there will be six more weeks of winter. 

Critics of the iconic rodent greeted the forecast with incredulity.  “How could he see his shadow with this heavy cloud cover?” said one woman.  Another critic said the forecast is at odds with scientific data Phil covered up. “Phil was paid off to make an erroneous forecast by political groups that oppose an early spring,” he said.

Phil claims that he is a victim of smear campaign by ideologues who hacked into his server, and that comments he made in emails, some of which were derisively critical of Al Gore and others, have been ”taken out of context.”

Feb 2

NOW’s Super Bowl Ad to Show Mother Who Regrets Not Aborting “Real Handful” Son

mother_son_smallThe National Organization for Women will run its own Super Bowl ad to counter the one financed by Focus on the Family, in which Pam Tebow, mother of college football star Tim Tebow, explains that she ignored a doctor’s recommendation to abort the 2007 Heisman Trophy winner.

In the NOW ad, sentimental music swells in the background as Ms. Rosecea Swayne, shown sitting with her son, Jeremy, sweetly explains how life “would be so much better without Jeremy” because “he is a real handful.”  As she hugs him tightly she looks into the camera and tearfully exclaims, “I wish I had aborted the litte bastard.”

NOW also wants the Tebow ad axed “because running our ad along with the Tebow ad would result in a ‘choice overload’ for young women.”

Feb 1

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