Dudley Do-Right, Model For Iconic Cartoon Character, Tapped to Light Olympic Torch

elderly-manVANCOUVER – Cpl. Dudley Do-Right, 87, the retired Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer who inspired the dim-witted cartoon character of the same name, is the surprise choice to light the Olympic cauldron at tonight’s opening ceremony of the Vancouver Winter Olympics. 

Cpl. Do-Right’s long-time nemesis Snidely Whiplash, 80, will wheel Mr. Do-Right’s wheelchair to the giant cauldron.

“If this were one of our old cartoons,” Mr. Whiplash quipped , “I’d push him right into [the cauldron], then I’d laugh about it.”

Nell Fenwick, 83, Do-Right’s live-in girlfriend, said that when the call came to tell Do-Right he’d been chosen, “we all thought it was a joke.” She added that they soon realized that “the Olympic officials were looking for an accomplished Canadian to light the damn thing, but since there aren’t any, they decided to go for a laugh instead.”

For Do-Right, the honor should help rehabilitate a reputation stained by allegations of improprieties with his horse.  When asked about the charges, Fennwick rolled her eyes.  “I hope the world understands, I don’t approve of what Dudley did, but I was out of town tending to my sick mother, and that horse lied to Dudley.  It took him years before he could trust anyone again.”

Do-Right said that lighting the torch was “an honor,” but that he intends to use his international platform to “blast” Jay Ward Productions “for destroying my reputation by making people think I live inside the television set.”

Feb 12