Director Goes Berserk At Christmas Pageant, Kills Eight Actors, Beagle

CharlieBrownXmasSCHULTZVILLE - Charles Brown, recently appointed director of the annual Christmas pageant, is accused of slaughtering eight cast members and a lone beagle last night in a fit of homicidal rage before turning the gun on himself, according to authorities.

Detective Dick Tracy, the first law enforcement official at the crime scene, described the carnage. “This is without a doubt the most gruesome murder-suicide I have ever had the misfortune to investigate. The savage nature of the wounds inflicted upon the victims indicates Mr. Brown had been planning this heinous act for some time.”

Mr. Brown, who had no close friends, was described by several associates as a “loner” and ”a stupid blockhead.”

One woman, who identified herself as Violet, escaped the massacre by a stroke of good luck.

“I was supposed to be at the rehearsal, but I was waiting outside of Charlie Brown’s home to taunt him about the fact I left him off my Christmas card list again this year.”

Ms. Violet broke into tears as she recalled the victims. “To think I’m never going to enjoy the sight of Frieda’s naturally curly hair again,” she sobbed. “It’s all too much.”

Dec 18