VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI issued a papal edict yesterday convening a new Vatican Council to adress the possibility of sweeping changes in the way the game of football is celebrated by the University of Notre Dame.
The Council will be attended by the entire College of Cardinals as well as former Notre Dame Coach Lou Holtz and the staff of ESPN’s College Gameday.
“I have heard the cries of the beleaguered subway alumni who worship at the altar of the football club from South Bend,” said the Pope. “It is my fervent hope that over the course of our discussions, and many hours of prayerful contemplation, guided by the Holy Spirit, we will be able to chart a course for our beloved team that can take us to a BCS Bowl next year, and for years to come.”
When asked if the the Council would be recommending a replacement for current Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis, the Pope gave a cryptic response. “You’ll have to watch the smoke.”
A spokesman for the embattled Weis issued a statement late yesterday saying that “Charlie has the greatest respect for the Holy Father, and knows that on all gridiron matters he is infallible.”