Weather Channel President Issues Apology For Lackluster Hurricane Season

weatherchannellogoATLANTA - Weather Channel President Mike Kelly issued a public apology last night for what he called a “lackluster” hurricane season.

Mr. Kelly made his remarks in a rare prime-time appearance on his own network.

“Like many of you, I am disappointed in the performance of the weather during the recently completed hurricane season. We know that fans of destructive storms, and I count myself among them, look forward to each new season with great anticipation, so when storms fall short of expectations, whether it be in terms of property damage, or loss of life, we all feel cheated. 

“Lackluster weather such as we have endured from the Atlantic Basin and the Caribbean over the course of the past six months is unacceptable, and I want you to know that we here at the Weather Channel are committed to doing something about it.”

Mr. Kelly said his staff has assured him that the coming winter months will provide numerous opportunities for historic snow-related fatalities. However, he was quick to add that he didn’t mean to suggest that blizzards could ever achieve the kind of popularity levels associated with hurricanes.

“I understand that frozen precipitation just doesn’t have the same mass appeal as torrential rains.”

It is unclear whether Mr. Kelly’s mea culpa will satisfy disgruntled Weather Channel fans.

To make matters worse, his comments pre-empted the final installment of a five-part Weather Channel documentary on the history of barometric pressure, sending viewers into fits of rage and flooding the Weather Channel switchboard with complaints.

The Weather Channel issued a press release early this morning announcing that the episode in question would be shown in its entirety following this evening’s panel discussion on radiational cooling.

Nov 11