Afghan School Board Debates Merits of Capital Punishment In Schools

torture-1KABUL – The Swat Valley School Board was the scene of a contentious debate last night between Taliban educators and parents over the issue of capital punishment in the classroom.

Dr. Ahmed Ahmed Ahmed, who described himself as a “leading proponent of progressive learning methods,” denounced those who would use death as a tool to modify students’ behavior.

“My research clearly shows that in every instance, torture is a far better option than execution when it comes to creating a better instructional environment in the classroom.”

Critics immediately assailed Dr. Ahmed’s position as too liberal.

“It’s this kind of thinking that’s got our country in the mess we’re in today,” said Omar Omar O’Leary, a local shepherd. 

“We’re raising a bunch of brats. In my day, when you got out of line, the teacher wasn’t afraid to put both of his hands on you and choke the life out of you. And when you got home, your parents would revive you, and then they would choke the life out of you again. But not anymore.” 

Public hearings on the matter continue this evening.

Nov 10