Mercury Theater Broadcast of “An Inconvenient Truth” Creates National Panic

welllesNEW YORK – The Mercury Theater production of Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth,” which aired last Friday night on the Columbia Broadcasting System, is being blamed for creating a national scare that sent tens of thousands of listeners into a full blown panic.

According to eyewitnesses, immediately following the conclusion of the program, great mobs of people rushed through towns hither and yon trying to purchase sandbags in an attempt to save their property from the encroaching oceans. 

One man in a Hoboken apartment building allegedly strangled a fellow tenant when he observed him using an aerosol can of deodorant.

Mr. Orson Welles, director of the Mercury Theater, expressed surprise that the show caused such a disturbance.

“Anyone with half a brain listening to the show knows that Mr. Gore’s work is a piece of fantastic, supernatural fiction. It was not intended to be taken literally,” he scoffed. “For God’s sake, man, look out your window! Do you see any polar ice caps in your front yard?”

Welles added that anyone who believed in what he called “global warming nonsense” would be just as likely to believe in “the existence of little green men from Mars.”

The Mercury Theater Production of H.G. Wells “War of The Worlds” is scheduled for this Friday night.

Nov 2