Judge To Mummy: Trespassing In Tomb Not Grounds For Use of Deadly Force

Photo Two MummyTHE HAGUE - The International Court issued a stern rebuke to the Mummy yesterday, holding that illegal entry into one’s tomb is insufficient grounds for use of deadly force.

The ruling is viewed by many legal experts as a death-blow for Mummy vigilantism.

The court wrote: “While we cannot endorse the odd uninvited visit to the Mummy’s tomb by treasure hunters, archaeologists, or the curious, and conceding that their presence alone in the tomb could be viewed as an insensitive intrusion upon the eternal sleep of the dead, we must conclude that such behavior does not rise to a level that would justify their death by strangling.”

The Court added that the appropriate remedies for such transgressions can be obtained through the use of due process, and urged the Mummy to take full advantage of his legal rights, many of which had not even been invented when he entered his death chamber countless centuries ago. 

When asked for a comment on the Court’s ruling, the Mummy emitted a series of barely audible groans, extended his arms directly in front of himself, shifted the weight of his body from one foot to the other and began a series of slow, shuffling movements into the evening fog.

Oct 29