Apple To Reissue Entire Yoko Ono Catalog

yoko-onoLONDON – In a move sure to please auditory masochists the world over, Apple, Inc. announced yesterday that it will reissue the entire Yoko Ono back catalog of recordings just in time for the holiday shopping season.

The reissue project was overseen by Abbey Road chief engineer Sir George Martin and has been under way for nearly four years. Sir George explained that the new sonically enhanced recordings will provide fans with a listening experience like no other.

“We’ve used the latest in digital technology to bring Ms. Ono’s, um, what’s the word I’m looking for here?  Uh, music, if you will, into the modern age. Now, when you hear her shrieking, it’s like she’s standing right in front of you, wailing like the hounds of hell.”

Sir George said the fantastic success of the recent Beatles compact disc reissue program made the Ono project a natural.

“We’re looking at pre-sale figures in the high tens already. Just this morning, the folks at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center placed an order on Amazon for two of everything, including a case of collectible earplugs.”

Oct 6