Breaking News: Chicago Fails to Snag Hot Dog Contest

NathansWASHINGTON – The International Federation of Competitive Eating announced that the race for the 2016 Nathan’s International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest is down to Rio de Janeiro, Madrid, and Wildwood, New Jersey as Chicago was eliminated in one of the most shocking defeats in IFOCE history. 

The defeat is especially painful for President and Mrs. Obama, who made personal pleas before IFOCE this morning in Coney Island. 

In an impromptu speech before IFOCE’s Board of Regents, Mr. Obama waxed eloquent by reading from a teleprompter for forty-five minutes about his memories of eating hot dogs in Chicago, at times moving to tears the other Chicago luminaries who accompanied him, Al Capone, Sam Giancana, Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers, and Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

Obama made the trip at the cost of his floundering healthcare reform efforts.  He told a reporter last night that “getting the hot dog contest for Chicago is more important than the stupid healthcare thing.”

Former President Jimmy Carter said that IFOCE’s decision could only be accounted for by racism.  “I know nothing about IFOCE, it’s make-up or history, but any Obama defeat, at any time, in any place, can only be attributed to racism,” Carter explained.

Oct 2