AlCOPENHAGEN – Alphonse Gabriel “Al” Capone, Chicago’s favorite son and premier bootlegger and racketeer, arrived in Copenhagen yesterday to pitch Chicago for the 2016 Olympics. 

By all accounts, Mr. Capone scored points all day, showing off his world famous charm from the moment he arrived at the airport.

“I’m in Copenhagen?” Capone quipped to reporters when he stepped off the plane.  “I don’t even know what street Copenhagen’s on!”  The press corps roared its approval.

After meeting privately with each IOC member, Capone hinted that he thinks he “sealed the deal” despite heavy lobbying for other cities.  ”That’s because you can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone,” he explained.